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Meaning of my username (day 3 of my 31 day blog challenge)

Saturday, July 20, 2019

I have been married to my second husband Dave for thirteen years. Before we tied the knot, we dated off and on for seven years. For six of those years I was technically still married to my first husband, Mike. Do not get me wrong... For the better part of those six years, I couldn’t tell you where Mike even was. And the only reason I was able to finally serve him with divorce papers, is due to his incarceration.

Now one of the reasons that Dave and I dated for seven years on and off, is because I did not really like him. I was still very much still stuck on Mike, total smuck that he was. And Dave was…too nice of a guy, remember I was still fixed on idiot bad boy Mike.

But, after much braking up and then getting back together; my mother told me to ether “settle” down with Dave or cut him loose for good. So, my only child (at the time) and I moved in with Dave. Not right away, I have to admit, but once I completely opened my heart, I actually fell head over heels in love with Dave. But, it was no fairy tale…
Dave changed his mind.

He kissed me good-bye one morning. I thought he was headed off to work, but when I went out to my car there was a note. The note essentially stated that he wasn’t happy, and asked me to move out within a month. After pursuing me for seven long years, after persuading me to give up my independence, after finally getting me to trust my daughter’s home life to him; Dave changed his mind about wanting to spend his life with me.

He had taken off to Vegas with his friends for a few days. When he came back, it was… tragic. To make a long story short, I started the process of starting over, while still living with the person who asked me to leave. At one point he went to play paint ball with a group of friends. Later that afternoon I got a call from one of his buddies saying that Dave had fallen and really hurt himself. Later Dave’s mom called to say that he was in the hospital and would need surgery. She basically told me that I did not need to know where, and that he was going to rehab at her house, and I should be out of the house by the time he was ready to come home.

Now, you want to know that truth… Dave really hadn’t changed his mind. He was just a thirty-five year old man who was still attached to his mother’s apron strings. In our relationship, it had always been a triangle…me…Dave…his mother. Dave's mom convinced him that I had to much baggage. Side note, to save their marriage, Dave’s brother and sister-law no longer have contact with his parents, as his mother is just that toxic.

Anyway, I explained to my daughter the best I could. I packed up my household, made plans to move in with a girl at work to share rent on a house. And I created an account for a social media site that I discovered Dave had joined, and the created the username… Uask4itdave.

After a month of Dave being back at this mom and dad’s house during rehab; after realizing that his life was back to where it had been before we met, and that was all his life would ever be, hanging out with his parents and their friends. Dave realized what he was about to lose and came to his senses.

You might ask how I could ever trust him again. How I could trust that he wouldn’t hurt my daughter again with another mind change. Well, I guess in some twisted way, I thought I deserved it. I earned Dave breaking my heart, because of all the years I had strung him along while still being in love with my first husband, Mike. I deserved it because I moved in with Dave having mixed feelings about us as a couple.

Yeah… even if I deserved it, and I acknowledge that anyone who gives there heart to another, does not deserve to be treated the way Dave treated me did during those dark days. My daughter did not deserve any of the pain she felt.

Luckily, it all worked out. Dave put some distance between he and his mom, and made our family his priority. Dave and I both put a lot of work into our relationship. It hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine. But, a marriage certificate, three more kids, being sealed for all time and eternity, and twenty combine years together. We are doing alright… and I use the username Uask4itdave for EVERYTHING!

It is fun to see Dave explain to folks when they ask.
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