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JUBLIANT JULY, DAYS 13-15!! Just Jokes & Quotes

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Saturday’s Star Fruit: Fats insulate our organs and serve as structural components of our cells…~ Tamar Samuels

Happy national French Fries Day, Fool’s Paradise Day, Embrace Your Geekness Day, Barber Shop Music Appreciation Day, Grange Day, Gruntled Workers Day, National Beef Tallow Day, National Nitrogen Ice Cream Day & World Cup Soccer Day!

How did the burger propose to a fry?~With an onion ring!*What did the frog order at McDonald's?~French flies and a diet Croak!*Why did the french fry win the race?~Because it was fast food! *What are the best days of the week in FastFoodland?~Fry-day and Sundae!*Did you read the book J.D. Salinger wrote about "phony" fast food?~It's titled Catcher in the Fries!*What do you call a baby potato?~A small fry!*What do you call terrible singing by a Barbershop Quartet?~A-CRAPella!*How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?~None! They can’t get up that high!*Did you hear about the soccer player who lived past age 100?~He’s still alive & kicking!*Which soccer team uses the most toilet paper?~Arsenal!*Why are dirty kids such good soccer players?~Because They’re Messi!*for which soccer club do sheep play?~BAAcerlona!*Why does a soccer ball curse so much?~he gets a kick out of it!*How is a soccer player like a magician?~They both do hat tricks!*What does a soccer player say on Halloween?~hat Trick or Treat!*Why did the soccer ball quit?~He was tired of being kicked around!*Why are soccer players so good at math?~They know how to use their heads!

Summer has set in with its usual severity.~Samuel Taylor Coleridge~~exercise? I thought you said extra fries!~Unknown~~ "Show me a person who doesn't like french fries and we'll swap lies." ~ Joan Lunden "Surround yourself with people who are the ketchup to your french fries-they make you a better version of yourself. Yes french fries are amazing on their own, but combined with ketchup they are a force. Spend time with people who bring out your true flavors, but don't overpower you." ~ Grace HelbigThe rules of soccer are very simple: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.~Phil Woosnam~~It is better to be unhappy and know the worst, than to be happy in a fool's paradise.~Fyodor Dostoevsky~~Often what we take as a kindness is just someone acting in his or her capacity as a human being.~Robert Brault
Sunday’s Papaya: Adult obesity and overweight statistics have increased by about 50 percent since the Dietary Goals were announced. [by the federal government, in 1977] That bears repeating: a 50 percent increase in obesity/overweight correlated with a 10 percent decrease in fat content in the diet.~Larry McCleary MD

Happy International/National Nude Day, Bastille Day, Pandemonium Day, National Macaroni and Cheese Day & Shark Awareness Day!

What did the elephant say to the nude man?~hey, that’s cute, but can you breathe thru it?!*What do naked fish play with?~BAREacudas!*Do you want to hear another macaroni joke?~Aw, forget it! It’s too cheesey!*Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?~It was Panda-monium!*Why do sharks swim in the sea and not fly in the sky?~the sky is Jet Territory (You might need to be So Pretty to get that one)!*What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark?~Do not consume if seal is broken!*Where do sharks come from?~Finland!*What was the deaf, dumb & blind shark known as?~The finball Wizzard!*What’s a British Shark’s favorite meal?~Fish’n’Kids!*How do you treat a crazy shark?~electro Shark Therapy!*What was the shark’s favorite B-52 song?~Love Shark!

Do what we can, summer will have its flies.~Ralph Waldo Emerson (And mosquitoes, stink bugs & now Kissing bugs!!)~~It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.~Lewis Grizzard~~Watching Jaws just scared the living daylights out of me when I was young. I know a lot of people my age who are still petrified of sharks because of that film.~Ashley Scott~~Pandemonium did not reign; it poured.~John Kendrick Bangs~~A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.~Charley Harper~~ “When you get the personality, you don't need the nudity.~Mae West~~I just think that people are so weird about nudity and the human body. Sex is not bad, naked bodies are not bad and naked bodies don't always have to be connected to sex.~Emily Browning~~Man is the sole animal whose nudities offend his own companions, and the only one who, in his natural actions, withdraws and hides himself from his own kind.~Michel de Montaigne~~Some people will always allow themselves to be happy, while others will always be standing in line for the permit.~Robert Brault

Monday’s Mango: Your self-esteem won’t come from body parts. You need to step away from the mirror every once in a while, and look for another reflection, like the one in the eyes of the people who love you and admire you.~Stacy London

Happy Be A Dork Day, Cow Appreciation Day, Tapioca Pudding Day, Gummi Worm Day, National Get Out of the Doghouse Day, National Give Something Away Day, National Pet Fire Safety Day, Saint Swithin's Day, I Love Horses Day & World Youth Skills Day!

Where do horses get their hair done?~Maine!*Where do horses live?~Neighbraska!*How do you mail a little horse?~The Pony Express!*What kind of bread do horses eat?~Thorough Bread!*Why don’t horses wear underpants?~Because it rides up on them!*Why did the cow cross the road?~To get to the udder side!*What do you call a cow that’s afraid of the dark?~A COWard!*What are a cow’s favorite subjects in school?~MOOsic, COWculus & PsyCOWology!*What happens when you talk to a cow?~It goes in 1 ear & comes out the udder!*What do you call a cow that just had a baby?~DeCALFinated!* What do you call funny cattle?~Laughing Stock!

There is nothing I like better at the end of a hot summer's day than taking a short walk around the garden. You can smell the heat coming up from the earth to meet the cooler night air.~Peter Mayle~~Home grown tomatoes, home grown tomatoes What would life be like without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love and home grown tomatoes.~John Denver~~....if a man hates tapioca pudding he is a good fellow and my friend.~A.A. Milne~~Cows are amongst the gentlest of breathing creatures; none show more passionate tenderness to their young when deprived of them; and, in short, I am not ashamed to profess a deep love for these quiet creatures.~Thomas de Quincey~~A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence. ~Pam Brown~~I go about looking at horses and cattle. They eat grass, make love, work when they have to, bear their young. I am sick with envy of them.~Sherwood Anderson~~Nerds don't know they're nerds. I know I'm a... well, I prefer to be called a dork, thank you.~Tonya Kuper~~Adorkable. It's in its own category.~Anne Eliot~~Occasionally ask yourself, "What would make me happy today?" and if you can't think of anything, then what chance does happiness have?~Robert Brault
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