It's funny how the universe will make darn sure you get the point sometimes! So, even though I haven't "technically" worked through all the steps (officially on Step 2 with my sponsor right now), I have tried to live what I understand from reading them on my own. So this morning, I was making breakfast for hubby and the dogs (yes, they got bacon, too - don't judge). I was cleaning up after and the thoughts began coming - "Why is the rule 'you cook, I clean' only apply to when HE cooks? That's how your FIRST husband was - you did EVERYthing. Remember what a doormat you were?" It suddenly hit me that I was RESENTING. *sound of car screeching to a halt* OMG! That's what the Big Book is talking about! THAT'S what a "resentment" feels like. So, I offered it to HP and he said, "Being a servant is not about rewards - you do it for the love." My husband is WONDERFUL to me.
I am NOT a doormat in this relationship by any means. I was letting old emotional baggage come right back through the front door. GAME CHANGER. Then, later, when I was scrolling Facebook, a friend had posted this:
Yep. I get it. I have MUCH to be grateful for. And you know what? Focusing on what I HAVE, seeking SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, having the COURAGE to change the things I can, and gaining the WISDOM to know the difference makes me HAPPY. I kind of think they should have this as a sandwich and put SERENITY on the back end as well, because when I practice COURAGE and use my HP-given WISDOM, my life is SERENE. Good stuff.
In other news, the gig yesterday was a lot of fun! BUT MERCY SAKES IT WAS HOT. I almost passed out during sound check. However, the clouds rolled in a bit and gave us some relief so I rocked out for 12,000 steps and had a blast. It was an annual event to raise money for Parkinson's and we were the headliner. We were on a stage on the shore and the audience was all on boats and floats in a quarry. Pretty cool! Here are some pics and a link to a video:
I still have that "OMG, am I still that BIG" when I see pictures or video and I hate that. But I can now talk back to those mean voices and say, "Well, I have lost 116 pounds and I am steadily losing now; and besides, the most important thing is that I am treating myself well and being HEALTHY. I am beautiful because of who I AM, not what I look like. So I was BEAUTIFUL then and I'm BEAUTIFUL now and I'll still be BEAUTIFUL when I lose more weight." I am focusing on that INSIDE because that's what is changing me and making FOOD so much less important. And heck, how many 57 year olds that weigh 272 pounds spend their time rocking out for over 2 hours (without passing out, I might add) and NOT buried in a bag of chips in front of the TV? Take THAT, crazy brain!
Today I'm resting. Well, except for writing a song for a wedding. That heat was pretty brutal and I can feel the effects. I have a meeting with my sponsor tonight. Tomorrow's plan of action is:
1. Healthy breakfast.
2. Morning meeting with my OA friend.
3. Go to office briefly to sign some documents. (Off most of the week - yay!)
4. Go to gym and swim laps.
5. Do laundry - get clothes ready for trip. (My husband has a stepson from his first marriage that still considers him Dad - another reason I know I have such a great guy! He's getting married in PA this weekend and we're going!)
6. Work on assignment from Sponsor.
7. Make some outreach contacts.
8. Celebrate life!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
I GOT THIS.