Okay, I should have known better, but I believed my mother when she professed that she also wanted to eat better and lose some of her weight. Three days ago she asked if I would help her, fix whatever I was eating, help her plan her meals. I told her it would mean giving up her sweets, which she eats daily, and eating more fruits and veggies. She said she was ready.
So I planned some dinners I thought she would like, bought groceries for all of us, bought extra of my snacks, strawberries, sunflower seeds, etc. Spent time making a list of possible breakfast and lunches and snacks (for when I was at work).
Day one: Instead of the turkey sandwich with light mayo.... she fixed bacon, cheese, and tomato with regular mayo. For breakfast rather than the scrambled or boiled eggs she fixed fried and added three pieces of sausage and two pieces of toast. When I asked why the changes and explained how many calories and fat she'd eaten, she said she hadn't understood but would do better.
Day two. She wouldn't tell me what she ate but swore it was healthier. My father shook his head behind her to let me know it wasn't true. I pointed out the list again and she said she'd stick to it.
Day three: I get home for work and she has hit the grocery store while I was gone. She stocked up on all the things we need to avoid if there is any chance of us ever losing weight. Dips, chips, cookies, two pies, and she bought a chocolate cake from Butcherblock (one of the best places in town which makes desserts).
I say, Mom why would you buy this junk when you said you were trying to lose weight. She says, don't be mad. Here I bought your favorite cookies and hands me a package of chocolate covered Oreo cookies. They are my kryptonite. I swear my stomach did a roll and my mouth tingled and I held those cookies in my hand and thought, one wouldn't hurt. I could eat it instead of a snack. Add just one to my lunches each day just so I had a bit of a pick-me-up.
I took the cookies, opened the package, and dumped them into the trash.
Why did you do that? Those aren't cheap! she says.
I take the handle of the broom and proceed to crush, smash, and mix the cookies into the trash because I don't want to give in to the temptation and grab one of the cookies on top. The top ones look fine. I know they will taste better than fine.
I am now hiding in my bedroom but I swear I can still smell the cookies.
I'm going back to planning my own food, fixing my own dinner and if my parents want to eat something different then no biggie. When, and if ever my mother wants to lose weight, then she will have to do it the same way I am. One day at a time. One good decision at a time. I don't think she will. I think her weight is going to kill her and that makes me sad.
I've read that everyone has to run their own race. You can't run it for anyone else. Nor can you carry someone. I'm not strong enough to carry her. Not now. Maybe in the future, I'll try again.