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Murky waters

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Just feeling really jumbled. Trying to wrap my head around so many different things. Like realizing I have a food addiction. I have to start to understand that I cannot mindlessly eat. I can't just grab some Reese's Cups and shovel them in. Even though I want to. I am going to try to use the methods I used to quit smoking . I really struggled yesterday. I wanted to take the day off from exercising. As soon as that thought entered my addiction flared. I was running to the store and wanted to buy Twinkies. I ate a banana instead and greased down with Ben-Gay and went to the gym. Today I am struggling. My day got turned around and my plans got changed. I really like having structure and stability. I have to learn that I have to be flexible. Just because my day doesn't go according to plan, doesn't mean I can just say the heck with it and go on an eating spree. So counter productive. Wish me luck today. I feel The Hulk starting to rise because my day is pretty screwed up. Going to pick up hubby from dialysis. Hoping the ride will calm me down. Self-compassion💙💚💛🧡
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