CROUCHINGFLEA
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I need more coffee... early morning ramblings in the Smokey Mountians

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Reading The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz. All I've read so far is the overview of what he is going to cover in the book, and it must be a long book if he is going to cover all of that!! I'm looking forward to it. A lot of the excuses and reasons for not doing things sounds like me. and I really want to get to those sections to read, but I'm going to read it cover to cover, not bit by bit. It was recommended by Ruth Soukup, and I can't listen to her podcasts here at the cabin, the wifi is terrible and it stops to load every 5 seconds, so when Amazon gave me $5 off this book, I could not say no!!

I'm up super early. More nightmares. But I don't plan on going back to sleep and if I do it will be here in the sitting area on the balcony of the second floor. I've done that a few times, so my weighted blanket is out here already. That will help me sleep better, it is a great anxiety reliever!! I don't remember if I put it on my blog or not, but I found a great one on Amazon for only like $50!! That is less than a third of what most of the ones this size cost!! It is 15 pounds, I'll need to get a 10 pound one when I lose all the weight, but for now, this is wonderful! Only problem is that it can get really hot under there! So we are going to move the box fan at home so that it is blowing at me instead of at DH. It will be great this winter!!

Yesterday was a mix of good and bad. The sheer crush of crowd had me taking my anxiety meds and trying desperatly to breathe. It didn't help that most of the people were yelling, rude, shoving and didn't care about personal space. I tried to sit down once, but DH kept me moving. I was so frustrated about that!! But when his feet started hurting, we sat down. He still doesn't understand that when I'm having that bad of anxiety shoving me back into a crowd is a very bad thing. It's not something that you can just push through. I came very close to having a very bad anxiety attack. When we were back at the car and I'd done some breathing, drank some water and calmed down some, I checked my heart rate and it was 115 (fitbit). I can only imagine what it was while we were in the crowd!!! This was in Gatlinburg. But, the good thing is that the girls got to have some fun, doing things they wanted to do, and they really enjoyed themselves. My YDD is so attuned to my anxiety, she kept insisting on holding my hand and was worrying over me. I told her I'd manage and to go have a good time. But she stuck to me while we were on the crowded sidewalks, an I was thankful for that.

I had time yesterday morning to sit and come up with possible routines for when when I get home, making it where I can juggle things around as I slowly wake the kids up earlier and earlier till they are waking up at normal school time right before school starts. I figured this would be better than suddenly waking up 3 hours earlier than they are used to on their first day of school. Surprisingly, they both agreed. We are going to work on their morning routine as well, and try to have them moving and going better at it so that it is not a struggle to get it all done before they have to go catch the bus. Yes, they are going to ride the bus in the morning now too. Last year they started riding the bus home from school, and DH drove them to school. Now he is wanting to leave earlier in the mornings so he can get home earlier, so school bus it is. They are both cranky about it, which is funny because before they started riding the bus it was a novelty and they wanted so badly to ride it!!

I also worked on routines for once school starts, so that I have a plan in place, and I'm not struggling to work out how to do things. Everything is basically in the same order, just delayed until the kids are gone to catch the bus. I need to work on an after school routine. I want to plan out individual time each week with the girls, so we have one on one time. I also feel like having a routine of what to do when they get home will help them, they both seem to thrive once a routine is established and they know what is expected of them. Sunday will still be planning day for the week and I'm going to continue some of the things we started over the summer. Like time for them to pursue things they are interested in by watching a how to video on youtube on my computer (it is restricted on their computer because of misuse). Also each week they will either cook or bake something. I think learning to cook/bake is a basic skill, I wish my Mom had taught me!! But as I learn, they learn too. I love to bake, and want to pass that on to them. I'm hoping DH will help clean out the garage soon so we can hook up the deep freeze, our freezer in the house is tiny. I want to have stuff like cookie dough and pies and such frozen so that all I have to do is thaw it or stick it in the oven, and voila, fresh goodies!!

I'm still planning on going full Paleo by the end of the month. I've discovered a few things while here that will make it difficult. Cauliflower gives me bad gas. Really bad. I don't think I can eat it. So riced cauliflower as a sub for rice is out. I'm hoping I can find another sub. Cabbage that is not cooked hurts my stomach something awful. So coleslaw is out. Peanuts are a no for Paleo anyway, but I ate a small bag of roasted pecans and it tore my stomach up! It could have been the sugar, or maybe the amount... maybe I can only have one or two at a time. But for now I'm going to stay away from them, I'm tired of my stomach hurting so much!! I'm still going to be giving up coffee and going to hot tea, green tea first thing in the morning is supposed to be great for you, so I'll start with that.

I totally went off my eating plan for a few days here, and ate way more than I should have and lots of fudge and other goodies. Yesterday, I decided to stop that. I did have some funnel cake and one chocolate covered strawberry, but ate a sensible burger bowl, and a small portion of it, for dinner. I'm sure I've gained weight, and I'm not sure I want to know how much!! But I'm going to work my butt off when we get home to get it back off.

I've made a new goal!! I want to be in the best shape possible by my 40th birthday!! That is next April, so less than a year to work on it, but it is one of my major goals, so it is one of the first things I'll do each day. DH wants to do the same thing, his B-day is in January, so he has less time. I told him I will work out with him if he wants me to (two workouts, as long as the second one is mild, in one day will be great!). I had time to sit down and think about my goals and where I want to be in a year. I'm still working at looking at 5 and 10 years, because so much depends on how I do with my projects and goals I'm working on now. I'm not expecting to fail, but there is still that part of me that is saying, but what if you just aren't any good at sewing? Then what? I need to let go of my fear of failure and stop letting it interfere with my dreams and start working towards making them a reality!!

Still working on my routines, what I need to add to make my day run smooth, what I need to not plan so that I don't feel too restricted. How I need to order my day so that my most important things get done first but housework also gets done. Making my home a refuge from the world for my family is high on my list. So is ordering my room and getting some new furniture in there. The plan originally was to get both me and DH comfy chairs and a coffee table and do Bible studies together and before bed time together, but we've been talking about that for ages, doing devotionals together or Bible studies, and he never seems to want to actually commit to even talking about doing it. So I have made other plans for my side of the bed, where there is plenty of space. I want a small desk, more like a tiny table with a chair to do journaling and writing, with a soft lamp, I want a small coffee table that has a built in bookshelf for my Bible and Bible study books and other books that I have read or need to read on mental health and the Bible. We don't currently have an actual dresser, so I want to get one of those, I'm having a hard time living out of my laundry basket. I don't like it at all. It just makes the room look messy. I want to get nightstands for all of us, and real dressers for the kids. The cube things they have were great for when they were younger, and will probably do good for storage in the garage or in the entertainment room, but now they need real dressers.

The sun is coming up, clouds are in the mountian across the way, I'm heading out to the deck to do my devotional, drink some more coffee and maybe work on those routines some more.

Have a wonderful Saturday!!

~Flea
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    I think it is so sweet that your DD held your hand. Knowing that you were going through an anxiety attack, shows that she is so perceptive. emoticon
    95 days ago
  • SONFLOWERGAMMY
    Nice to read your updates and plans. I wanted to let you know I’m all but shutting down my spark activities. If you want to touch base just drop me a sparkmail.
    Take care and best wishes always!
    96 days ago
  • LINDA058
    Thanks
    97 days ago
  • PLCHAPPELL
    Great blog
    97 days ago
  • DYMONDCLAY
    Enjoy
    97 days ago
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