No more Dr. appts. until Tuesday so I can finally sit (read: and do different forms of fitness routines other than walking) in one place. I can focus on the other forms of fitness I've been researching besides walking and climbing up and down my neighbor's stairs to take his dogs out, I can track my sleeping better as well. Every day as my Nana's care giver things need to be done for her so after she goes to bed I can finally focus on myself, which isn't until about 10 pm and right now I have to wait until at least midnight until I can try to shut off my brain to get at least 6 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining because I love my Nana with all my heart, she is the reason I left my life in California to come live in Oklahoma without a second thought to myself, and it isn't often that I take care of the neighbor's dogs maybe once a month or so, I get the extra fitness in and I make a few dollars too and bonus doggy snuggles, lol. I just find that with the amount of time I spend out of the house for Dr. appts. and the taking care of his dogs,that I have less time to clear my head every night. I have moments of where oh, damn did that meal or snack send me over my carbs for the day or, am I meeting my calories or fiber. I know crazy right but I really am trying to make this work this time around and I have set smaller goals for myself, to make things a bit easier and more worth while.
Other than the fact that I'm over-weight, I don't seem to have any additional health problems other than my PTSD/Depression (knock on wood), which this whole life change seems to be making all that a little easier to deal with. I'm listening to my body to know when it's time to eat or drink anything. The cravings are minimal and so far I can find something to do to take my mind off the craving or eat and apple or some grapes, those things I can deal with. Finding the right motivational tools work as well, I trying to come up with an award system for myself but I'm not finding the right one that works for me yet, but that will come too.
My stress level has been low though believe it or not and that amazes me cause last time around I was stressed out all the time, my mom thinks that maybe that wasn't the right time to start a whole life change thing, but the question is when is the right time? My health is important, it should have been important when the weight was being piled on when I wasn't eating right, but you can't change the past you can only move forward and make the rest of your life healthier. So that is the main goal, the really big one, not being 135lbs. which would be amazing, but what's the use of being my goal weight if my food choices aren't right and my mental health spirals and I'm too depressed to enjoy my life?.I ask myself this everyday, and always come up with the same answer, it wouldn't be worth the struggle and right now with how new this change is for me it is definitely a struggle, but I continue to do it, because for the first time in my life I'm alright with struggling, I know in the long run it's going to be worth it. No more breathing hard after just walking to the front of my apartment complex to get the mail, or climbing a flight of stairs, or even trying to tie my shoes, those are just some of the smaller goals I'm working on for me, the ones that matter most right now, and when those goals are complete I'll come up with new smaller goals to accomplish. It will happen, because I choose to believe it because if I believe it than I can make it happen.