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The bat wing waddle

Tuesday, July 09, 2019

I know I just posted, but something just occured to me that I know many of you would understand. Does anyone stare at your body or a part of your body, making you feel strange about yourself?

Last Fall I had a real thin student look at my right arm while I was teaching. I realized that the underarm fat was waddling while I was moving my arm. I tried to let it go, but I still felt self-conscious and would think about it afterward. It wasn't like she google-eyed me or made a face or anything. But she definitely took a moment too long to look at it.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I went to yoga in the park, and the instructor came up to introduce herself. But first she looked at my right bicep. I should specify that I don't have a bicep to look at. While my bare arm isn't huge, it's not small by any means. I wasn't sure why she was looking at it so intently. I wondered if she was wondering if I could do yoga with my fat arm. (That made me laugh.)

Then this past Friday I had a young thin student I was teaching. My arms were bare and I was moving them around a lot. The underarm fat waddled again. She stared at my right bat wing. Just like the student last year.

I wondered if the students had never really seen an underarm waddle before. Like I said, it's not like they were trying to be rude. It just caught their attention. But I still felt really self-conscious.

It reminds me of a scenario many of us women have been in. Like if we have on a a low-cut top, whether we meant it to be low-cut or not. We end up showing more than we normally would (or maybe just as much as we would normally would -- no judgement here!) We expect the other person talking with us to control where their eyes go, right?

So can't my students do the same? I don't know, I'm sure it's natural human curiosity. But still, something didn't feel right about it. Like I was being judged somehow. I would rather not teach them. (They tend to be difficult students anyway, ha!)

Anyone else feel that way about something similar?
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