500-999 SparkPoints 965

10 years later

Saturday, July 06, 2019

Yep, I was a member 10 years ago or there about . I gave up then and here I am now. Fat, lazy, in bad shape, premenopausal and at the lowest psychologically I have been in a while. Well maybe that is not true, I worked with a therapist for a few years to help with my anxiety. I feel much better now. But not the weight. The weight is at its highest ever. I need to start this spark thing again. Let’s hope its going to work this time.

Other than feeling depressed, I have no motivation. Case in point: the last two days. So, in my head, I have been telling me that I need to motivate myself, that can do this etc etc etc. But in fact, i ordered fried chicken (3 pieces, a fries, ice tea and chicken sandwich). Then after feeling horrible about it, I ordered for supper 3 slices of pizza extra large. What is wrong with me?????? I hate myself for doing that. But then why am I doing it? Oh dear and these pieces of fried chicken have not yet settled on my hips... what am I talking about??.... what hips ? I have no hips! Just a belly that goes around until it reaches my rear end! At this point I’m not sure which on is bigger, the belly or the butt.

Argh! Ok ok ok, its 1:30am now. I woke up and then felt bad about yesterday and Friday fat eating spree. I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I decided to go online and look for help. And now here I am. On a page I started 10 years ago or more like 8... but whose counting? Not me apparently and certainly not calories!!!

Well i a, not sure how the self disgust will work to lose weight... but this is the only thing I feel now... that a the knowledge that I habe been on this road before and it didn’t work. Ok ok ok... no ‘oh poor me’ is allowed. I did this! So now, I need to do something about it.

Little by little. I’ll start even with the small challenges like eating fruits and vegetables. It’s obviously better than eating fried chicken!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PB1959
    This is my third try. I'm in maintenance but struggle. Dont hate on yourself. We all feel the same way sometimes. You are here now. You can do this again
    47 days ago
    I started over about 6 months ago after about 5 years. Its hard. I' ve lost 38 pounds. Have about 30 more. Will make it. It takes little steps. One day at a time
    47 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Keep it moving. We all struggle at times.
    47 days ago
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