10 years later
Saturday, July 06, 2019
Yep, I was a member 10 years ago or there about . I gave up then and here I am now. Fat, lazy, in bad shape, premenopausal and at the lowest psychologically I have been in a while. Well maybe that is not true, I worked with a therapist for a few years to help with my anxiety. I feel much better now. But not the weight. The weight is at its highest ever. I need to start this spark thing again. Let’s hope its going to work this time.
Other than feeling depressed, I have no motivation. Case in point: the last two days. So, in my head, I have been telling me that I need to motivate myself, that can do this etc etc etc. But in fact, i ordered fried chicken (3 pieces, a fries, ice tea and chicken sandwich). Then after feeling horrible about it, I ordered for supper 3 slices of pizza extra large. What is wrong with me?????? I hate myself for doing that. But then why am I doing it? Oh dear and these pieces of fried chicken have not yet settled on my hips... what am I talking about??.... what hips ? I have no hips! Just a belly that goes around until it reaches my rear end! At this point I’m not sure which on is bigger, the belly or the butt.
Argh! Ok ok ok, its 1:30am now. I woke up and then felt bad about yesterday and Friday fat eating spree. I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I decided to go online and look for help. And now here I am. On a page I started 10 years ago or more like 8... but whose counting? Not me apparently and certainly not calories!!!
Well i a, not sure how the self disgust will work to lose weight... but this is the only thing I feel now... that a the knowledge that I habe been on this road before and it didn’t work. Ok ok ok... no ‘oh poor me’ is allowed. I did this! So now, I need to do something about it.
Little by little. I’ll start even with the small challenges like eating fruits and vegetables. It’s obviously better than eating fried chicken!!!