CROUCHINGFLEA
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I'm DONE!!!......

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

.... with excuses!! I was down to 165 and now I'm up a little over 180 again! This is what happens when I let one excuse lead to another and things snowball. I'm so upset with myself, but I have been thinking on it all day... well, since my first appointment of the day when I weighed. I can see where I let my emotional eating be my first excuse, and then my worsening insomnia and it just went from there. My chronic illnesses have kept me from working out much at all, but that too can be an excuse, surely there are some small ways I can get extra steps and stretches and such in.

The injections for my migraines were worse today for some reason. Each shot hurt worse than normal, and I bled a lot, prompting lots of questions from the neurologist. I'm fine, I just felt a little frumpy and woozy afterwards. And in pain. So we went for ice cream. My suggestion, my farewell to foods I'm not supposed to have. Sounds like an excuse for ice cream, and it was, but it was also me saying goodbye, and hello.

Goodbye to my excuses, and to foods that are not good for me. Food that tear up my stomach and put on pounds.

Hello to my reasons, my 'want to's' and healthy habits. I can't let food lead me around any more. I've decided that even on vacation, I'm not going to let food get the better of me. I may have one or two things that are not strictly Paleo, but otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns. I'm taking my different shakes and shaker bottles so that if push comes to shove I can just have a shake. I know that will not make MIL happy, but I'm sure DH will be happy with me, and more importantly, I'll be happy with me.

I've been chugging coffee to stay somewhat alive-like the last few days thanks to my insomnia worsening, but saw my doc today and hopefully we found a fix, will find out over the next few nights if it works or not. I sure hope so. Sleeping would be nice. It will help with so many things. Like sticking to a workout plan, or a daily routine, or even eating on time. I'm going back to my limit of one coffee a day, my one first thing in the morning while I get on the computer and wake up and work through my day's schedule. My exception is when I go to therapy, I always get a latte... but I really need to stop doing that as well, so maybe I'll make myself some tea in my Teami thermos and take it with me, I have several different types of chai that are very invigorating yet calming at the same time.

I probably should make a list of things to take on vacation to make sticking to my meal plan easier. I'll remember my water bottle, it goes everywhere with me. But the different flavor shakes and at least one shaker bottle, as well as some frozen strawberries need to go. Have to check and see if the cabin has a blender or if I'll need to take mine. I'll want to take a tea pitcher and some tea bags and lemon juice or lemons for unsweet tea for if I need a pick me up. And some herbal tea and honey for if I can't sleep at night. Plus, my youngest simply loves hot tea, no matter the occasion. I'll take some printouts of yoga workouts (because I have the memory of a goldfish) or simple stretches. I'm sure we will get enough working out in with all the walking and hiking we will be doing. Probably going to take both of my camelbaks, one for me, one for DH. I've had them for ages, but have kept them in good repair. Just need to wash them out as I've not used them yet this year. I don't like to use them before I've washed them out at least once at the beginning of the year just in case. We'll be there a whole week. So lots of things to think about. Need to go thrift store shopping for shorts and such as I don't have any.

I'm also about to work on my plan for my Big Dream Goal. Then I'll work on my plans for my Big goals, my other two main goals. I read that I need a basic road map to work with, and I agree. I know the plan will grow in detail as I learn more and realize how much more I need to learn, LOL. There is a LOT to learn about sewing, and it is a little intimidating, especially doing it on my own, but I'm not going to give up. I already have my first step planned out, and I'm going to do it tomorrow: clean/declutter/organize the crafting area. It's a mess! And there is no room to put my sewing machine back on the table. I took it downstairs to the dining table so that Aunt G could help me work with it (which didn't happen) and there it has stayed because stuff just keeps piling up on my craft table. So tomorrow, after my ODD's appointment, that is what we will spend the rest of the day doing, till it is done. Then the kiddos and I will paint or color or do something together that sounds fun.

I've got a lot of change coming my way. DH keeps telling me to change one thing at a time and keep it small and simple. I understand, bipolar as I am, I can and do overreach a lot of the time. But he said something else. That unless you were willing to change everything, keeping small and simple was the best way to go. I want to change everything. I want so much big change! But, I know I am a work in progress, I have many chronic illnesses working against me, and I have two preteens (one who is about to be a teen, eeek!) who need stability and routine, so I can't just suddenly shake everything up. But I can shake it up some, and then when that settles, shake it up some more. And, I have to realize that I'm changing me and my routines. Not everyone else's. The kids, I'm working on getting into routines that I set for them over a year ago. I just have not had the energy due to my illnesses to have the follow through and DH I suppose has been to busy or whatnot. I'm getting better, so I'm hoping to have more follow through at making sure they keep to their routines. And I keep to mine.

So tonight, as soon as I sign off, I'm going to work on my goals workbook and what I can do, starting tomorrow, to get me one step, one day closer to reaching my goals.

Wishing you all a good night, and plenty of restful sleep!!

~Flea
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