Tuesday, June 25, 2019
...on my Nutrition tracker yesterday. I have to find some other way of relieving my stress than eating. I actually snuck a slice of whole grain bread after dinner and was still within my calories and debating with myself if I really liked my clothes getting tighter and gaining more weight --I actually think I look better but my clothes fitting me are another story, I really don't want my weight to go up any more than it has. I had lost so much weight here and now I've gained slightly more than half of it back.
I had decided that not over eating was what I was going to do, despite some financial stress that is eating away at my peace of mind when something happened that really pushed my buttons. It's after dinner, 8 pm at night, and I am sitting peacefully on my couch watching TV (which is unusual for me, I usually go into my bedroom and relax by watching programs on my Notebook.). Suddenly a strange gray car full of people pulls into my parking lot and then I also notice some garbage dumped in our parking lot, on the other side. My apartment building is very small, there are only four units and no one got out of this car to visit anybody. I was about to ignore it and then I felt uncomfortable when two young men, at slightly different intervals, got out of the car and headed up the street in opposite directions.
This made me nervous. Then another gray car pulled up next to this one!
Suffice it to say, I felt very nervous. Where I am from, if you are lost you don't pull into a parking lot or driveway to converse on the phone, you pull over to the side of the road and use your phone to find out where you are going. It's not just "impolite'; it's trespassing. All these young people were in their 20s, I am a woman living alone in an iffy neighborhood--to make a long story short, I called the police and asked them to investigate. Californians make me so nervous, they are so different--I often feel like I've moved to another planet. It may be generational, it may be because of my hearing loss, I just am not used to many people behaving the way they do now.
So I did close my blinds, the police did not show up while these people were here (at least 20 minutes) and i did retire to my bedroom.
And I got more bread AND butter and stayed up until after midnight because I was stressed. I have to get a better grip when I am that stressed. I have to NOT eat just because I am...well afraid or over re-acting. I don't know, I don't think I over reacted. Got to move away from this behavior though, it's sabotaging my efforts to lose weight.