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Being In-Between

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

A common theme in my life is that in most situations, I don't fit under "Column A", and I don't fit under "Column B", but somewhere in between, and it makes it really hard for me to define my identity. For example, I'm half Japanese, half caucasian. I don't belong entirely in one culture, or the other, but a little bit in each realm. I think there's a lot of benefits to this, but sometimes it can be difficult.

I was thinking about this because lately, I've been finding it a little harder to make conversation with people. I don't quite fit into my old life as I once did, but I'm not yet established in a new one. I'm constantly thinking about boxing, and planning my days around it. I'm living in my own little world, that no one I know has any interest in. My family, friends and coworkers tend to not be super active. Which is not to say they are unhealthy, they're just not living with the challenge of "do what you gotta do to get your blood sugar/blood pressure under control", so they don't need to make drastic changes. I can sense that they're bored or uncomfortable somehow when I start to talk about workouts, even though I'm really excited about this stuff, they are not, so I try not to talk about it too much. I've even asked several people if they'd like to join me, and I have yet to be taken up on it, lol.

At the same time, I don't belong in the realm of super fit, active people. I'm still a novice, I can't run or do yoga or swim. I've had nice small talk with regulars at the boxing studio, but I'm not so confident that I could really make friends and join them at "their level". Of course, I think a lot of this is in my head too. Insecurity is a problem of mine that I'm trying to work on, and I'm surrounded by wonderful people who encourage me and engage with me anyway. I suspect I'll always feel this way, no matter how healthy I become (hoping to!), the timid, awkward person inside me will always feel slightly out of place. But little by little, I'm getting to know the staff at the studio, the regulars, and I at least know that I am welcome there, which is a great feeling.

And, of course, I'm so grateful to be able to post on spark, ramble about things that are going on in my brain, humble-brag about my small steps forward, and get advice and comments from my friends here. Thanks all who read this, for stepping into my world for a little bit and sharing yours with me. You make this journey much less lonely! emoticon

Have a good night!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDAK25
    Fortunately, you don’t have to be like everyone else. I know that as you keep going to boxing, you will gain more confidence and you’ll find other people who share your passion. Those who love you will continue to love and support you. Believe in yourself.
    23 days ago
    I get you as I never fit into a category either. I was always different @ my school or ofc. Also just not naturally athletic so I keep active only for health. Keep doing for yourself. We each have a space on this planet, it's ours to rightly own.🐨
    24 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    24 days ago
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