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Growing up with the Absence of Food .....

Monday, June 17, 2019

Growing up with the Absence of Food .....

I do not ever experience hunger pains due to surgery in 2014.
Yet I have a CONSTANT battle with my obsession with food.

I eat for the sake of eating constantly. No discipline of 3 meals per day... just grazing of what taste good INSTEAD of what is nutritionally good for my body.

**** There is no excuse for it ... maybe an explanation:

When I was little there was an absence of food in my life which resulted in us kids begging for food from people. Constant wondering when we would eat again, holding on to every morsel available or storing food inside of us like a hibernating bear.

Childhood for us was not about playing or enjoying life... life was about survival, extreme poverty and regular physical abuse.

But now I am grown now, an adult yet I believe I am still STUCK in the past.

I have been told that when children experience traumatic experiences in their lives, that sometimes they do NOT develop beyond that age like emotionally or mentally.

Educationally wise, experience in life, career etc... = I developed in those areas but developmentally wise emotionally I am unable to UNLOCK what is holding me back to move forward.

I am grown now and still hoarding food inside of me. It is sad.

I know how to eat smaller portions and healthy choices but that only last for a few days and then I go BACK to what is familiar.... grazing all day.

I honestly do not know WHAT it will take for me to wake up and snap out of this cycle I have been living.

In the meantime, I keep busy and work on moving forward as best I can
and have FUN in the process with accomplishments of household projects. :)

There IS life after extreme poverty....
It may not be how others live life,
and that is okay.....
and I may not conquer my grazing
but there ARE days when I am mindfully eating.

I am happy in my life but could be happier.... couldn't we all?
In the meantime I "enjoy" things I can control... that bring me JOY.
Household projects :-)

Thank you everyone for stopping by
Therapy cost money unfortunately .... I do however Journal all my feelings, hugssssssssssssss

We dont have a choice as a child, but we DO have a choice now By: Dr. Phil.

(((( group hugs ))))) emoticon

I do NOT allow obesity to STOP me from living and experiencing JOY
and neither should you, hugssssssssssssssssssss

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