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Wrote one then deleted

Friday, June 14, 2019

I had a venting session in a blog I wrote the other day, then I deleted it. I often use this medium to explore my own thoughts and help myself, and if I don't think it will be helpful for anyone else, I delete it.

Trying to manage the stress level at work by keeping to myself and not engaging with a coworker who, it seemed, was giving me a hard time for no reason. I know that I am a highly sensitive, i.e. "too sensitive" person, but I'm not up to allowing someone to relive their 7th grade bullying experience by taking it out on me.

So I resigned myself to keeping to myself, and then I get my annual work review. "Outstanding...want to include Sue in training coworkers..." This was a shock, since I've always gotten lukewarm "Performs adequately" reviews and so never expecting anything more than that. It upset me, though a good review, because I have NO interest in training anyone. But it seems I have no choice. It's almost funny, it's so ironic. I hope I get a big raise to compensate for this.

I have been shocked at how someone I basically don't care about at work can stress me out so much, and just want to protect myself from further annoyance. I was just trying to create an upbeat, friendly environment, and it came back at me with a vengeance. Oh, well. I become frightened at how stressed out I can become. It pushes my buttons because I grew up with an untreated mentally ill brother who bullied me emotionally and physically. My parents chose to not see the issue, and left me to fend on my own. This followed by a lifetime of antidepressant medication that I can't do without. At least I have my nice life now. As I've said before, doing well is the best revenge!

Maybe I should delete this blog too. It seems that things happen for a reason. Maybe I will learn from this. Not sure what yet. Hopefully I will be able to hide in my cubicle most of the time still!

So I thought I was handling the stress well until this morning at work, when I had a sweets eating binge like I used to have. Sneaky stress. Just when you think you've got it under control, the cookie candy bar demon jumps on your shoulder and wags his nasty little finger at you!

But I will learn from this and go back to eating raw vegetables and fruit. Today, not tomorrow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good for YOU! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    125 days ago
    I would definitely speak with management and let them know your concerns. You do not have to share all the "gory details" with them but they do need to know that you definitely would not feel comfortable with taking on the role they have suggested and that in fact it might cause you to experience anxiety and grief which will greatly affect your work and personal health. The sooner you can discuss this with them the sooner you can focus on YOU and get your emotional eating under control. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    125 days ago
    I think you are wise to express and share your experiences. Stress bottled up = volcanic explosion. You are the best judge of what is appropriately expressed or not, and you can decide whether to share something or not. I think it's great that you are writing down what you feel, regardless of whether or not you share it or keep it or delete it.
    126 days ago
  • SPICY23
    emoticon Your awareness will give you power. You will overcome!

    It sounds as though a big piece of your fears and anxiety comes from the unpredictable nature of this annoying person you can't avoid. It might help to develop some canned 'scripts' before you need them. Make these as detached and professional as possible so this instigator will hang themself with their bad behavior. Knowing you have appropriate tools/defenses in your toolkit should relieve some of the stress, allowing you to control your eating. Perhaps this provocative person will prove to be the spring-board to greater 'difficult people' skills that will reward you in many ways.

    Peace and Care
    126 days ago
    Well, maybe you’ll surprise yourself and find that the added responsibility may work. It’s hard to know until you try it.

    Yes, that darned stress demon definitely has a way of showing up, dang it.

    Lesson learned. That’s what’s important.


    126 days ago
    You are not alone in your thoughts. A proverbial "Two Sides of a Coin". EVERYONE has issues and but you wonder "Is This as Good as it Gets". You are feeling like you have no choices and feel unfairly judged, hence the binges?

    You are not where you want to be but only you can change that.
    126 days ago
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