Friday, June 14, 2019
My weight is once again not where I want it. I had decided I could gain a couple pounds now that I'm 70 years old, but I relaxed my eating a bit, and gained too much. That should have been predictable, but I swear I did not once eat everything I wanted; there were no binges; just a little out of control eating (200 calories: 2 Hershey nuggets, 3 Oreo Thins) ; just a little relaxation of portion control. Oh, well. I will learn to live with this reality. Perhaps my metabolism has slowed again. Or perhaps I'm eating more than I think. Time to track, weigh and measure, more conscientiously.
My plan of action is to track this week, make the best selections I know to make, and see where I am a week from now. If I haven't made progress, I'm thinking I will rejoin Weight Watchers.
As I am aging, the motivation to maintain is shifting. I am surrendering some of the vanity reasons to lose/maintain, and emphasizing the health and function reasons. And although this seems shallow, I am not sure my health/function motivators are as strong as the vanity motivators! I keep struggling with the thought that this should all be easier, much, much easier. Perhaps I must just accept that it is hard, very hard. It will always be hard. It is still worth the effort, the work. And if, no when, proper resistance and sane eating is a struggle, well I should not quit the struggle, but fight the good fight. I wish it were easier. For some of you it is I am sure. But for me I don't see any way but to fight for my fitness.
My shoulder and left arm are still hurting a lot. I find resistance to overeating much more difficult when I am dealing with pain. It's like the discomfort of hunger is just too much on top of what I'm already dealing with. Today I'll be out of pain meds the doc gave me. I went to the physical therapist when the exercises the doc gave me seemed to re-injure me. She has requested that the doc write a prescription for PT. I'm to call back this morn and see if it is all set for me to start therapy Monday. Hope it works. I am very tired of this pain, and literally tired of it as it is disturbing my sleep. Getting dressed is really painful even with loose clothing and I have a whole lot of clothes that are getting way too tight.
Another tough reality is that my mom entered memory care, a lock down unit, on Wednesday. She had on 2 occasions wandered in her retirement community lost, not recognizing her own home. She will soon be 93 years old, has an Alzheimer's diagnosis. She is a retired college professor who was so very smart; it just doesn't seem right that she should be where she is now. I am very grateful to my sister who has arranged and managed to get her to a safe place where she will be cleaner, fed with more nutritious food (even if she doesn't like it), and have more activities available that she can do (if she will). Sigh. I will be visiting her in 5 weeks. I will call her today.
Tomorrow is Magic Mile for the Galloway group. This year I'm not afraid of being placed in a slow group and don't plan to really push for a fast pace. Whatever pace I run, probably around 11 minutes for a mile, will just be good enough. Glad I can still run. I am sure I am happier and have a better mood because I can get out and go. Loved my early walk this morning. Want to keep as active as I can for as long as I can! Can that be enough motivation to keep me at a healthy weight? I hope so!