350,000-499,999 SparkPoints 355,745

New Realities

Friday, June 14, 2019

My weight is once again not where I want it. I had decided I could gain a couple pounds now that I'm 70 years old, but I relaxed my eating a bit, and gained too much. That should have been predictable, but I swear I did not once eat everything I wanted; there were no binges; just a little out of control eating (200 calories: 2 Hershey nuggets, 3 Oreo Thins) ; just a little relaxation of portion control. Oh, well. I will learn to live with this reality. Perhaps my metabolism has slowed again. Or perhaps I'm eating more than I think. Time to track, weigh and measure, more conscientiously.

My plan of action is to track this week, make the best selections I know to make, and see where I am a week from now. If I haven't made progress, I'm thinking I will rejoin Weight Watchers.

As I am aging, the motivation to maintain is shifting. I am surrendering some of the vanity reasons to lose/maintain, and emphasizing the health and function reasons. And although this seems shallow, I am not sure my health/function motivators are as strong as the vanity motivators! I keep struggling with the thought that this should all be easier, much, much easier. Perhaps I must just accept that it is hard, very hard. It will always be hard. It is still worth the effort, the work. And if, no when, proper resistance and sane eating is a struggle, well I should not quit the struggle, but fight the good fight. I wish it were easier. For some of you it is I am sure. But for me I don't see any way but to fight for my fitness.

My shoulder and left arm are still hurting a lot. I find resistance to overeating much more difficult when I am dealing with pain. It's like the discomfort of hunger is just too much on top of what I'm already dealing with. Today I'll be out of pain meds the doc gave me. I went to the physical therapist when the exercises the doc gave me seemed to re-injure me. She has requested that the doc write a prescription for PT. I'm to call back this morn and see if it is all set for me to start therapy Monday. Hope it works. I am very tired of this pain, and literally tired of it as it is disturbing my sleep. Getting dressed is really painful even with loose clothing and I have a whole lot of clothes that are getting way too tight.

Another tough reality is that my mom entered memory care, a lock down unit, on Wednesday. She had on 2 occasions wandered in her retirement community lost, not recognizing her own home. She will soon be 93 years old, has an Alzheimer's diagnosis. She is a retired college professor who was so very smart; it just doesn't seem right that she should be where she is now. I am very grateful to my sister who has arranged and managed to get her to a safe place where she will be cleaner, fed with more nutritious food (even if she doesn't like it), and have more activities available that she can do (if she will). Sigh. I will be visiting her in 5 weeks. I will call her today.

Tomorrow is Magic Mile for the Galloway group. This year I'm not afraid of being placed in a slow group and don't plan to really push for a fast pace. Whatever pace I run, probably around 11 minutes for a mile, will just be good enough. Glad I can still run. I am sure I am happier and have a better mood because I can get out and go. Loved my early walk this morning. Want to keep as active as I can for as long as I can! Can that be enough motivation to keep me at a healthy weight? I hope so!

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Sorry to hear about your mom.
    33 days ago
    Sounds like pain on several fronts has gotten you. Hold on a little longer. You can do it, and be happier/stronger. Hugs.
    34 days ago
    So sorry about this change in your mother’s status. Just remember that her love for you never varies, deep down, nor her understanding that you love her.

    I’m almost three years older than you (and not YET as successful at maintaining a healthy weight), but I suggest you take every opportunity to read and reread all the articles on Spark, New York Times, etc, about the contribution of exercise and healthy weight toward staving off physical ailments often associated with age AND dementia. We can’t “cheat drowsy death”, but we can do our darndest to cheat pain and suffering. For myself, remembering that exercise cuts the risk of diabetes (and the neuropathy pain that can come with that) gets me moving. And if a vanity motivator is needed, there’s always the fact that one’s skin builds collagen after vigorous exercisd.

    You’ve got this, Marsha! You’re tough, and you always have been!
    34 days ago
    Oh Marsha, I get what you are going through! I know we talked about this but that doesn't make it any easier. emoticon I guess that between what I can no longer do, what I'm temporarily unable to do and what it takes to keep from gaining, I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. Plus, when the body is stressed, sleep is interrupted and anxiety sets in! Last night after talking to the primary doctor's office, I started to have a full blown anxiety attack. I took the medication that I have, specifically for that (at least I knew enough to do that since I usually don't), and I finished off what was left of a bag of M&M's. Thank goodness the bag wasn't full. The M &M's took effect immediately (shocker!) - the medication took longer. But it appeared that the combination of the two was magic! Not a good reaction because I would prefer not repeating the intake of the extra calories! This morning, I know what a fluke that was and am not guilty over it. I just need to get back to my normal plan and move on. The thing is, when you use exercise to help deal with anxiety and to help you sleep better, where do you go when exercise is temporarily not a good option? I guess we need to get creative!
    34 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/15/2019 8:30:57 AM
    So very sorry you are dealing with all this Marsha. You could be living my life. It is very difficult not to emotionally eat when dealing with constant pain, worry about your future health and just to maintain your weight which is especially difficult. Giving up activities you love or being less competitive. And your poor Mother on top of it. As I watch my formally healthy, fit Mother get tired easy, have painful, badly swollen hands, hips and knees, forget things and have difficulty hearing, its sad to see. Like you are doing, I always have to reassess. Plan to do what I can and let go what I can't. Look on the positives. Like your athleticism -that low heart rate. Most people can't boast one that low, even those much younger than you. Your ability to enjoy dance. Wear cute running gear and clothing and look amazing in them. Your loving granddaughters that look up to you and are their inspiration. You can be very proud of what you accomplished, and more importantly, never giving up when things get tough. Just keep telling yourself your amazing and can do this! because you can!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    35 days ago
    My husband has dementia..and I struggle with stress thoughts and prayers are with you
    35 days ago
    Pain is . . . painful, really. The persistence of pain changes everything.

    And you're dealing with your mother's situation .

    Tough tough tough.

    I hope you will be kind and gentle to yourself and celebrate your fitness which is awesome.

    35 days ago
    Soooooo, soooooo sorry about your mom. Hubby's mom had Alzheimer’s … she was very complacent.

    Everyone is different.
    35 days ago
    It is very difficult to deal w/pain! NO question about it. It affects every aspect of our being.

    So, very sorry that your Mom is now in Memory Care. Both my parents were – difficult. Alzheimer’s is such a rotten disease!

    Have a good run tomorrow.

    You’re going thru a lot. Not only the pain, but everything w/your Mom. All that raises the cortisol levels and that = hunger and cravings for the wrong things. **SIGH**

    Take care of yourself.

    35 days ago
    emoticon There is a lot going on for you. Be kind to yourself.

    Pain saps energy. Hopeful the PT work can assist you with breaking that cycle and freeing up some energy, pain relief, and restored sleep.

    This sentence really leapt out at me: "But for me I don't see any way but to fight for my fitness."

    Honor who you are … if you are a fighter, fight with all your might! And, be the best darn fighter there is!!!

    Some of us are fighters. Some of us are not. Honor your path …


    35 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    35 days ago
    Yes, I know your pain and struggle. I think it is a life sentence for us...but we can be brightened by the fact that we do not need to wallow in it but rather fight it with our beautiful inner strength and loving heart we have.

    Suggestion - I am using acupunture for the pain management and have now added herbal stress management.

    emoticon alas your Mom's condition is a burden on that loving heart that you cannot fight. Sorry, it is the cruelest disease.
    35 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/14/2019 11:25:58 AM
  • NANCY-
    Pain is tough to deal with. Stress of what is going on with your mother maybe taking a toll too.
    I had frozen shoulder so I understand your challenges in getting dressed. You do have your challenges right now, but they may pass.
    Be kind to yourself.
    35 days ago
  • GABY1948
    I sent a goodie and a note with my thoughts! emoticon emoticon
    35 days ago
    Sometimes I'm somewhat jealous of your robust Galloway group. I don't really have anyone who runs my pace, and Galloway has never taken hold here.
    35 days ago
  • no profile photo MLR_00
    35 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by SLENDERELLA61