10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 10,360

I can't do this on my own.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

I am faced with a dichotomy--can't do it without accountability community and don't want to face others when I don't do well. Can't do it on my own, but don't want to fail in front of others. Like a sinner who doesn't want to seek refuge in a church, that's how I felt about going to a weigh-in meeting having gained weight. You'd think that's the place where you should go for help -- a Weight Watchers meeting. But I simply could not face the failure. And I could not face a witness to my failure.

I also felt pretty restricted on the diet. Because there were zero points foods I felt like anything with points was a BAD FOOD. My mind started getting a bit out of whack about it...also how much chicken and eggs can a person really eat without going insane?

So I quit. I stopped going. I hid. I avoided. I rebelled. I binged. My weight went right back up like a beach ball you've been holding underwater. BOING!

So I joined sparkpeople again, hoping it would be a safer community where I didn't have to weigh in in front of people, but could have some sort of community. Truth is, this isn't enough anymore either. Or maybe I'm just frustrated with myself and my progress. I've slowly peeled off two pounds but that's it. I'm still 12 pounds above my normal healthy weight. I don't know. I don't know.

I can't do this on my own.
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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