Avoided a binge
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
I struggle with binging. Recently, I had a bad binge in which I ended up consuming approximately 3500 calories in one day. I still lost weight for the week, because I ate much better the other days of the week. Still, it really bugs me to be that out of control.
I paid attention to how I felt the last time I binged. I had a feeling of entitlement--that I deserved the food. For a short time, it felt wonderful to indulge. "Screw everything and everyone, I will eat what I want!" I felt rebellious. It was such a high. Of course, it was temporary. I didn't feel guilty afterward, just angry that I didn't make more of an effort to avoid such self-destructive behavior.
Tonight, I was at that point again. I was hungry and stressed about a problem at work. I got a glass of cold water from the fridge and thought about what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to gorge myself. So, I made some popcorn and had more cold water. I thought about why I was stressed and what I could do to fix my work problem. I came up with some good ideas. I realized I didn't need to solve the problem right then and there, but it was good that I wasn't hiding from it.
I realize that I have been using binging to avoid things that I don't want to face. I'm not only making unhealthy food choices, but I'm avoiding responsibility. This is a real aha-moment for me. It's not just about the stress; it's about avoidance.
Tonight, I learned something very important about myself while successfully avoiding a binge. I'm positively thrilled.