Being a Neurotic Mess Brings Good things too!
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
I still can't believe my new diet "aggravation" or as I like to call "augra….vaccion" so it sounds French and fancy, is agreeing with me weightwise. I am not bouncing up from my recent loss and my clothes are looser. I have said before this is my unhinged time of the year with spurts and even floods of anxiety and depressive thoughts trying to invade my body. Ruminations about my child with SN's future, the state of my aging parents and so much more threatens to poison me, but I fight back and thrive with my natural "medicine". I am now taking 2 doses a day of.....EXERCISE. I try to get in a brisk walk after school drop off in the morning. Then to keep the positive feelings flowing, in the early evening I do an exercise boost of a youtube video or DVD-sometimes just 5 minutes or at most 20 minutes. It brings back healthy thinking, it decreases my appetite and gives me some energy. In fact, right before I sat down to type I felt a rush of anxiety and grabbed my weights for a 3rd spurt of just 2 minutes and even that helped.
Not only has my neurotic state made me turn to exercise even more for relief, but I am downright terrified to numb myself with junk food because I recall how bad that crash is and I am too much of a mess right now to go playing with quicksand. I feel like I MUST eat healthy to fight my neurosis before it consumes me.
I look in the mirrors now that I am losing weight and I see the old me emerging through my loose pants and slightly too big shirt. I am whittling away at this false armor of fat. This neurotic state has created enough imbalance for me to go into fight mode through exercise and nourishment rather than flight mode through excessive junk.
Uneasiness has brought even healthier habits. Fear has forced me to further develop my physical and emotional strength. Maybe there is a reason we have these negative emotions. Maybe they can push us toward something better and help us become who we are meant to be. OK maybe, but, I could use a good night's sleep and a little less obsessin'.