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Being a Neurotic Mess Brings Good things too!

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

I still can't believe my new diet "aggravation" or as I like to call "augra….vaccion" so it sounds French and fancy, is agreeing with me weightwise. I am not bouncing up from my recent loss and my clothes are looser. I have said before this is my unhinged time of the year with spurts and even floods of anxiety and depressive thoughts trying to invade my body. Ruminations about my child with SN's future, the state of my aging parents and so much more threatens to poison me, but I fight back and thrive with my natural "medicine". I am now taking 2 doses a day of.....EXERCISE. I try to get in a brisk walk after school drop off in the morning. Then to keep the positive feelings flowing, in the early evening I do an exercise boost of a youtube video or DVD-sometimes just 5 minutes or at most 20 minutes. It brings back healthy thinking, it decreases my appetite and gives me some energy. In fact, right before I sat down to type I felt a rush of anxiety and grabbed my weights for a 3rd spurt of just 2 minutes and even that helped.

Not only has my neurotic state made me turn to exercise even more for relief, but I am downright terrified to numb myself with junk food because I recall how bad that crash is and I am too much of a mess right now to go playing with quicksand. I feel like I MUST eat healthy to fight my neurosis before it consumes me.

I look in the mirrors now that I am losing weight and I see the old me emerging through my loose pants and slightly too big shirt. I am whittling away at this false armor of fat. This neurotic state has created enough imbalance for me to go into fight mode through exercise and nourishment rather than flight mode through excessive junk.

Uneasiness has brought even healthier habits. Fear has forced me to further develop my physical and emotional strength. Maybe there is a reason we have these negative emotions. Maybe they can push us toward something better and help us become who we are meant to be. OK maybe, but, I could use a good night's sleep and a little less obsessin'.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BUTTONPOPPER1
    Great blog and great comments! It's true--responding in the old ways by overeating and avoiding exercise--that just ups the dread level way too high! Sounds like you are nipping dread and anxiety in the bud with medicine far better than man-made drugs. You're staying on the move! Keep going! You're a real grownup!
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    2 days ago
  • FRABBIT
    Wow! Kudos on the transformation. Sorry that you have the aggravation but it is keeping you on track.
    2 days ago
  • SPEDED2
    Fear is a great motivator! Exercise is a great way to deal with it. It sounds like you have a plan to keep the demons at bay.

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    3 days ago
  • KDYLOSE
    So great that you are turning to exercise to deal with stress and anxiety. Still, I hope your need for it becomes less.
    3 days ago
  • _RAMONA
    Everything sounds better with a French accent, LOL!

    Love this: "Maybe there is a reason we have these negative emotions. Maybe they can push us toward something better and help us become who we are meant to be." I think it's true... emotion is neither positive or negative, and if we consider that (for example) fear and excitement feel quite similar on a physical level, it makes more sense to respond to it from a place of strength, than from one of weakness. It's the label we put on how we feel that can get us in trouble.

    F.E.A.R.... False Evidence Appearing Real, so... Forget everything and run, OR Face everything and RISE!

    So glad you're choosing to RISE no matter what!
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    4 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/16/2019 10:46:09 AM
  • PHOENIX1949
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    4 days ago
  • POLSKARENIA
    Keep battling, you WILL win the wat!
    4 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Awwww, the augra . . . vaccion nutrition plan continues for you, but . . . you’re dealing it with the right medicine . . . exercise. Always helps me, too. YES, it’s unfortunate to go thru the crash after junki food medication, but once that lesson is learned, it stays! Good for you. Yes, no sense playing in the quick sand.

    It's have when the fit hits the shan all @ once. BUT, being the smart, resourceful woman you are (that we ALL are), you're surviving and even thriving. HUGS and wishing you peace. May it last!
    4 days ago
  • UNDERGROUNDGEEK
    Yes! Turn the nervous energy into something GOOD.
    4 days ago
  • SPICY23
    emoticon Yell that Warrior yell, 'Tawanda'!
    You might think of your efforts as training for the 'battles' you know are coming. Sounds like you will be in great shape to handle whatever storms come your way. Strong work.
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    Peace and Care
    4 days ago
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