SUSMANNIE
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Being kind, rewind...

Sunday, May 05, 2019

Being kind to others has always been high on my list of goals. But I am sometimes brutal towards myself. I remember writing a story in grade school “It’s Good To Be Kind!” It was about a girl who abused her “favorite” doll, and still expected the doll’s devotion to her. The doll spoke up and told the girl she didn’t like being mistreated. I had a brother a year older than me who bullied me constantly, punched or kicked me when he passed me, was verbally abusive, etc.

Nowadays that kind of story would send out a warning signal to those in charge. It does make me laugh when I picture the doll coming to life and posting her little plastic fists on her hips. Indignant and completely animated. It was me in a doll’s body stating what it oughta’ be.

I learned to mistreat myself because of this, and my parents’ lack of response to it. “You have to learn how to protect yourself” was my mother’s response. I could not. I felt they didn’t care, and therefore I had no value. And I didn’t want to be mean and sadistic like him. Finally, what I did was to “play dead”. I stopped acknowledging him and went dead and expressionless when he hit me. Fortunately this was effective.

WARRIORSUE’s excellent self-exploratory blogs have led me to re-examine my thinking and try to catch myself beating myself up inside my head. Many times a day, I stop and reframe my thinking. Like “You are horrible, lazy, and defective!” becomes “You are a lovely and intelligent woman who is picking on herself again. This is a habit of long standing with no actual basis in current reality.” Then I breathe deeply and and try to flip around my thoughts. As in “You never clean things and let everything go!” to “I can go set up a cleaning caddy and put in 15 minutes wiping down the bathroom right now.” (Thanks, FlyLady)

Or, what can I do to look at things freshly?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WARRIORSUE

    I love the time you are taking to reframe what you tell yourself! I'm really sorry to hear how your brother treated you.... I'm curious too, if as an adult, you ever had a conversation with him about it? I wish that your parents had stuck up for you, because you needed them.

    Thanks so much for saying that my blogs are helping you... that makes me feel great!
    165 days ago
  • NIGHTGLOW
    Wow. I'm so moved by your words and story. So many of us had similar experiences with siblings, parents, bullies in school. It's so easy to take those harmful messages into ourselves...

    Yay, you for starting to notice and call out those internal voices and to change how you talk to yourself! And you are sharing your journey in a way that will inspire others. Thank you and I wish you every success!
    165 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    The best thing is you are aware and working on it! YOU DESERVE TO LOVE YOU! YOU ARE worthy! That's what you're finding out. good for you. Yes for sure, WARRIORSUE's blogs are definitely food for though!
    166 days ago
  • MOLLIEMAC
    I am sorry that you have to be constantly vigilant with yourself to prevent the negative thoughts and talk, such an expenditure of energy! Hopefully with practice and support you will be able to leave that all behind. emoticon
    166 days ago
  • SUNNYCALIGIRL
    I don't think those statements had a basis in any reality!

    emoticon
    166 days ago
  • CHRISTINEBWD
    You are on the right track. Sorry your brother was so mean to you. My older sister and I had a brother like that too. We fixed that one day by the two of us teaming up. It still bothers me to this day that we had to do that. So I do understand.
    166 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    emoticon
    166 days ago
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