Minimize, Justify, Rationalize and Catastrophize - My Battle with Food
Monday, April 29, 2019
I've had a long term battle with food. It is downright exhausting at this point. We need food for energy and survival. I wish I could reduce my view of it to that. Food has been a way to cope, feel better, seek solace, etc. for a long time.
I come from a family where food went with everything: weddings, funerals, babies, holidays, weekends, etc. Are you sad? Can I make you something to eat? This was the way of it. Today, when my son cries and someone wants to give him food, I intervene. We all have to find a way to self soothe that doesn't involve eating. I'm just now finding a way to soothe myself without food all of these years later. Exercise is great for that, but I'm not always in a position to really do that justice. Let's face it, doing high knees power walking or push ups in the doctor's office when I'm anxious isn't something that will be easily accepted. That is just reality.
If only humans could accept each other that way, but alas our humanity suffers these days. That is a topic for a different day.
I had a chat with Coach Jen today about my knees. She supported my choice to stop jogging, suggested swimming, and reminded me of something very important. My eating drives the bus, not my exercise. I needed that. I have been willy nilly with calories and consuming too many for too long. I minimize, justify, rationalize, even catastrophize - I've already screwed up, I might as well have a ding dong and then one more, and then why not 3!
Then the dialogue in my head says, "Who brought ding dongs into the house anyway?" I was successful in keeping out the stuff that triggers me for a while because I do the majority of the grocery shopping. When the house figured out I wouldn't buy and bring home sweets and trigger foods, they started doing it. A compromise we reached is to get the small 1 - 2 serving containers of chips and ice cream so it is quickly gone.
I don't know what all the answers are. I have days when I believe I am making progress and days when I can't tell I have learned anything. I will keep trying because I don't know any other way to be.