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Down the rabbit hole.......

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

They say the most difficult part of any journey is that tricky middle section. In the beginning, it is exciting to start a new journey. You dream of your destination. For me, that is a healthier version of the current me. One that weighs, less, one that moves more, one that fuels her body with the best fuel possible. I can visualize that version of me!

The first few steps were a bit shaky but they became more steady with repetition. I sparked, I tracked, I weighed, I measured, I sought support and encouragement. The pounds started coming off. I was vigilant and relentless.

During the third month of this journey, I took a trip to Detroit with a friend for a concert. I decided to do my best to stay on track, but to allow myself some food treats that were not part of my normal meal plan. It started with the Hungarian Chicken Paprikash, then the Buddy's Pizza. I returned home. The scale reflected my diversion.

Taking that first step off track is like looking down the rabbit hole.

It looks intriguing. Let me lean in and look a little better..... the Detroit treats were followed by pizza at home with my son, meals with more carbs than normal, treats of dark chocolate. I justified every choice and was going to get back on my feet - just one more look! Lean in further......

Uhoh! Those treats of dark chocolate became binges eating the whole bag. The dark chocolate dusted almonds that at first were measured out, became feeding fests. Pizza became a staple quick meal. That lean into the rabbit hole? Yep, I was in head first with little sign of stopping!

So today I find myself at a cross road. Do I continue on this winding path that is taking me from my goals? or do I recognize that I need to turn around and head back to the path that was taking me where I want to be - even though it feels like I am in the middle of the woods and can't see the way out. Do I have faith that doing the right things, eating healthy and exercise, will lead me out of these dark woods and back into the light where I can see my goal again?

Ugh. It pains me to be writing this again, after such a good start! However, this is where I need to focus on the positives.

I am still down 20 pounds even though I have had a month of walking in the wrong direction. I am not back at my starting point yet! I HAVE made progress and can continue to do so.

I have continued with my walking - I have walked a minimum of a mile every day - even when I had the flu! I have shown commitment to this journey - not perfection - but commitment!

I participated in a 5k last Sunday. I showed up in the sleet. I walked. I didn't make an excuse, even though I wanted to! I finished!

I am not a quitter. I have taken some steps in the wrong direction. I am fortunate to have the awareness that I need to go in a different direction.

Today is that day. I am turning this corner right now. I CAN do this. Focus, focus, focus!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon emoticon
    789 days ago
    Ahhh the infamous slide. I sometimes feel like it's a game of Chutes and Ladders. And you're right, it doesn't start with a binge or flying way off track. It's a gradual meal here, dessert there, oh I had dessert yesterday on more day won't kill me, eh I don't feel like cooking let's order pizza, and before you know it, you've slid right down a chute. You caught it while it was still a short one. You can get there. Start climbing the ladder again.
    789 days ago
    I think most of us have been here at one point or another. I found my stash of dark chocolate Lindt bars that I had hidden - uh oh, now there is only one left. I had completely forgotten I had any in the house until I found that hidden stash, but I couldn't seem to un-find it.
    789 days ago
    You've got this!
    789 days ago
    I know it is really easy to slip into that rabbit hole and not as easy to pull out of it. Glad you caught it and realized what was happening. I need a rope to help pull me out too. emoticon
    789 days ago
  • BERRY4
    Such a challenge, this process of changing for the health of it. We seem to have to say "no" to things that we would like today, in favor of a healthier tomorrow.
    Way to recognize the things you are doing right. Keep making choices for the long term health of it. You will be glad you did. Hang in there!
    790 days ago
    My dear, you're on the path now. keep your vision in thhe forefront. Come here (or wherever you need to be) for SUPPORT!) KNOW you're not alone on this.

    That said, baby steps . . . start w/the basics. Doesn't mean starting all over . . . you've been on this path. It means just dusting yourself off and moving forward. YOU CAN DO THIS!

    790 days ago
    Any change in routine can lead you down that yellow brick road...getting back to basics can seem like a long way off...1 simple HEALTHY habit in a day can change into a regular routine....You have already had your movement focus succeed...think how many more miles you can complete when your mindset is back to healthy food choices & practices...whatever worked for you before can again if you focus in that direction...GOOD LUCK...& I am walking along with you! emoticon
    790 days ago
    we ALL fall off the wagon now and then, the end game is the long road. You will get there if you get back on the path
    790 days ago

    From this moment on, pick yourself up, dust yourself off & start your weight loss journey....

    Move on forward. All the yesterdays are gone. Think positive & begin to refocus, regroup, & take the baby steps back on to your healthy path of weight loss.

    Good luck. You can do this....
    790 days ago
    I am the master of self-sabotage! Just when things are going in the right direction I take an about face. I've come to realize that I'm always only one mouthful away from falling off the wagon no matter how much I tell myself that I've made lifestyle changes. Self awareness is key and it sounds like you've got that. Good luck with your journey.
    790 days ago
    I can totally relate to this. Lately I have not been wanting to go to the gym. I am still walking just not going to the gym. I usually take my son and he doesn't seem to want to go anymore. I am afraid to go alone. People will stare at me and make fun of me. I know that isn't the truth but that is how I feel. Good luck getting back on the path. It is well worth it to be on the right path.
    790 days ago
    I totally relate to this. I've been down that rabbit-hole so many times and it is hard to get out of it.
    790 days ago
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