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jokes and golf day

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Golf day

April 10th is Golfer's Day. Some avid golfers might suggest any and every day is Golfer's Day. But on this day, it's official. The only question is, does this day honor the golfer, the sport, or the weather? Well, it's a little of each. Golfers Day’s origin is shrouded in the myth and legend of this particular sport. Some people say its origins lay in 1916, when the first professional golf tournament was held on this day. Others claim that the first tubular steel golf club shaft was allowed to be used in championship play for the first time on this day. Golfer's Day is an opportunity to be thankful that someone invented this addicting, yet relaxing hobby. Have you ever played golf?no only miniature golf or putt putt as we call it in Cleveland. Did you enjoy it or did it frustrate you? I never played golf but I have hit a bucket of ball and that was frustrating.
The Voice from the Clubhouse
It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8 a.m., I was on the first hole at The Oaks of St. George Golf Club and beginning my pre-shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement: "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the voice yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee. please?!?!"

I finally stopped, turned around, cupped my hands and shouted back: "Would the jerk with the microphone please keep quiet and let me play my second shot!"

The Funeral Procession

Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Charlie has a chance to putt for dough. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins $200.
Charlie lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole.
Charlie steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. One all the cars in the funeral procession have passed, Charlie picks up his putter and begins lining up the putt again.
"Wow," one of his opponents says. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. You've got a makeable putt for $200, yet you stopped and paid your respects. You really are something."
"Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years

Funny definitions
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
OYSTER: A person who sprinkles their conversation with Yiddish expressions.
PARADOX (par'-u-doks'): Two physicians.
PARK: Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
POLYGON: A dead parrot.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PRIMATE (pri'-mate'): Removing your husband from in front of the TV.
PRIVATE TUTOR: Someone who doesn't fart in public.
PROFESSOR: Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
PSYCHOLOGIST: A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
more jokes
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
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