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Split day

Thursday, March 28, 2019

I felt good, almost elated this morning. Then I forgot to take my nasal spray for allergies. I found a packet of Alka Plus Cold Meds, and took half a dose. That zonked me out a little, and now I feel down again.

Do I like my job? I prefer to create a space around myself now. Don't want to deal with/hear people talking on phone all day, or chitchatting. I'm worried about myself, but I feel it's the only way I can survive here. What caused this? Having my emotional space trampled on day after day, and my manager saying I am lucky I didn't get fired when I finally blew up over it.

It's okay to misuse the phone system at work, making personal calls 25-30 times a day, but it's just not okay to react to this noise, and expect a professional work environment. Bad management. Inept. No reflection on me, just what is easiest for manager. I react to it because of boundary issues I had growing up. I can see this now.

To carry this a step further, I didn't deserve the neglect and indifference I got from home growing up. I am worth more, much more. They were wrong.

I am worth a lot. I need to own this.
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