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Be real

Monday, March 25, 2019

Excavated another sector of my brain junk over the weekend. Hubby and I had a long, long talk about a bunch of stuff that we had been postponing talking about - for example, he brought up something that he had 'held on to' for ten years!. It ended well, and we both acknowledged that maybe we're not so good at this 'communication' thing after all, lol - and we agreed that we will work on fixing that.

One of my big AHA moments this weekend was seeing the patterns that I have lived over and over in my life. I tend to have a 'victim' mentality and I let my 'victim' status keep me hidden -- hidden even from myself -- it seemed too painful to look deeply into "WHY" I do the things I do and why I keep getting caught in the same problems and patterns.

But I've started to look at them and I see the common factor (me) - yes, all those situations - and people - over the years weren't nice, but *I* am the common factor - I allowed people to treat me improperly or I allowed myself to not feel worthy of something better. (it's hard to explain and I don't want to start going into a lot of detail because it's not the details that matter) I sort of took on the role of victim in my own life and have lived it for a long time -- long after it stopped serving me. When I was a child it was necessary, perhaps, to 'survive', but seriously, it's at least a few decades overdue for change.

The victim role (and the other roles) that I took on completely obscured the 'real' me. To the point that I don't even know who I am without these roles. As with the excess weight that obscures my body, I have lost sight of what's been buried underneath all the layers of 'fake' me.
I want to acknowledge the fakes - they served me when i needed them, but I also want to kindly tell them 'goodbye'. Now I just want to Be Real. I don't pretend it will be instantaneous but it will be rewarding.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Having a real look at yourself and a real talk with your husband is hard to do but you did it! Proud of you!
    246 days ago
    Great blog.
    253 days ago
    This has been helpful to me. It’s a list Joyce Meyer compiled. emoticon
    Have you discovered how amazing your life in Christ is meant to be? This list reveals the truth about who God created you to be and how He wants you to live!

    I am complete in Him Who is the head over all rule and authority—of every angelic and earthly power (Colossians 2:10).

    I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).

    I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

    I am far from oppression, and will not live in fear (Isaiah 54:14).

    I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).

    I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).

    I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).

    I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

    The Spirit of God, who is greater than the enemy in the world, lives in me (1 John 4:4).

    I have received abundant grace and the gift of righteousness and reign in life through Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).

    I have received the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my heart enlightened, so that I know the hope of having life in Christ (Ephesians 1:17-18).

    I have received the power of the Holy Spirit and He can do miraculous things through me.I have authority and power over the enemy in this world (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19).

    I am renewed in the knowledge of God and no longer want to live in my old ways or nature before I accepted Christ (Colossians 3:9-10).

    I am merciful, I do not judge others, and I forgive quickly. As I do this by God’s grace, He blesses my life (Luke 6:36-38).

    God supplies all of my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

    In all circumstances I live by faith in God and extinguish all the flaming darts (attacks) of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16).

    I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ Jesus who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

    I am chosen by God who called me out of the darkness of sin and into the light and life of Christ so I can proclaim the excellence and greatness of who He is (1 Peter 2:9).

    I am born again—spiritually transformed, renewed and set apart for God’s purpose—through the living and everlasting word of God (1 Peter 1:23).

    I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ to do good works that He has prepared for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).

    I am a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

    In Christ, I am dead to sin—my relationship to it is broken—and alive to God—living in unbroken fellowship with Him (Romans 6:11).

    The light of God’s truth has shone in my heart and given me knowledge of salvation through Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6).

    As I hear God’s Word, I do what it says and I am blessed in my actions (James 1:22, 25).

    I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17). I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37).

    I overcome the enemy of my soul by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).

    I have everything I need to live a godly life and am equipped to live in His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4).

    I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20). I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).

    I am the righteousness of God—I have right standing with Him—in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

    My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit; I belong to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19).

    I am the head and not the tail, and I only go up and not down in life as I trust and obey God (Deuteronomy 28:13).

    I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).

    I am chosen by God, forgiven and justified through Christ. I have a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness and patience (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).

    I am redeemed—forgiven of all my sins and made clean—through the blood of Christ (Ephesians 1:7).

    I have been rescued from the domain and the power of darkness and brought into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

    I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).

    My life is rooted in my faith in Christ and I overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done for me (Colossians 2:7).

    I am called to live a holy life by the grace of God and to declare His praise in the world (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).

    I am healed and whole in Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).

    I am saved by God’s grace, raised up with Christ and seated with Him in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:5-6; Colossians 2:12).

    I am greatly loved by God (John 3:16; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).

    I am strengthened with all power according to His glorious might (Colossians 1:11).

    I humbly submit myself to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).

    I press on each day to fulfill God’s plan for my life because I live to please Him (Philippians 3:14).

    I am not ruled by fear because the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me His power, love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).

    Christ lives in me, and I live by faith in Him and His love for me (Galatians 2:20).
    253 days ago

    Self awareness can be brutal.. but done right... can be VERY rewarding..

    Have a safe journey !
    Wishing the best for you..
    Always, Always.

    254 days ago
    The title of your blog caught my eye...
    No telling what ground my hubby & I will cover when WE finally have our years-overdue "talk"!?!
    But it feels like an avalanche getting ready to be unleashed, I keep putting it off. I'll bet that we have issues that go back even farther than 10 years - probably Way On Back from when we first met!
    It was a very odd coincidence that I was stricken with laryngitis on our 3rd date (which isn't typical for me; while I get lots of allergy symptoms I rarely lose my voice) - when I had important things that needed to be said, I was cut back to hoarse whisper...
    254 days ago
    You are really doing some deep work on yourself. Congratulations. Not everybody is willing to evaluate these things.

    I think all of us, to some degree, have personas that we take on in different situations. I once did a workshop where they had us draw a circle for each of these roles and have the circles overlap each other where the different "people" came together. It was really interesting. Sometimes none of the circles touched each other. So the whole objective of the exercise was to help you see how you could bring your different worlds together more.

    The victim mentality is pretty prevalent in our society. I remember when I realized that I had been playing the victim for years and years. I was mortified. Then I got angry. Then I got gentle with myself when I started to understand how that is how I learned to survive. Then I really got in touch with the real me. And she is also buried under pounds of disguise and protection in the form of extra weight.

    I am still peeling back those layers, and it feels so good. So I send to you lots of loving energy - it will definitely be rewarding. emoticon
    255 days ago
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