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What's been happening

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

I can't believe it's been over a year since I last blogged. A lot of less than great things have happened since then.

First of all, it is almost exactly a year since my mother passed away. She turned 90 on February 28, 2018. We had a small family celebration which was supposed to be followed by a bigger one in June. But two weeks later, on March 14, I went to her apartment, presumably to help her with a few things. Instead, I found her lying in her bed unconscious. At first I wasn't really sure what was happening. She was breathing, so I knew she was alive. I could not arouse her, but there had been times in the past when that was difficult (she was profoundly deaf and a very sound sleeper). Finally I called 911, and that was the beginning of the end. She had suffered a massive stroke. My brother sent a PDF of her living will via cell phone, and we disconnected life support. She lived for another 24 hours or so. Then it was all over. I am so glad that it wasn't a protracted thing. But even though she was 90 years old, it was still a shock. I wish I could have said goodbye to her.

Then at the end of November I was informed that my contract at work was not going to be renewed. This came as a surprise to me. The situation wasn't the best. My boss was a micromanager, which made things sort of unpleasant. But I still feel like a failure. My position was eliminated and replaced with a more responsible one, and I feel like I should have been able to move into the new position. But I was not allowed to develop as I would have liked, and that was the way it was. I have been led to believe that the decision came from a very high level and was not directed at me personally. Another person in a similar role was also not renewed. But it has been about three months, and I have not been able to land something new.

Another big blow came five weeks ago, when I fractured my hip and required an emergency partial hip replacement. I was taking my dog to the dog park. She was so excited to get there that she pulled me down on a hard surface outside the park. Of course I let go when it happened, and she just ran to the entrance of the park. Some people helped me out (they let her in) until my husband was able to arrive. I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. DH took the dog home in the meantime and later went back with his sister to retrieve my car.

The whole hip thing has been extremely depressing for me. I am now five weeks out and weaning myself off my cane. Today I actually didn't use it at all, but I was home all day. There is really nothing good to be said except that if it wasn't for the hip replacement I would probably be permanently disabled at this point. I can't say this is going to make me a better person; I will probably have some reduced mobility going forward, and I can't help but feel that I will need another surgery at some point.

It clearly has also affected my job search.

Also, who breaks their hip while walking their dog? How klutzy can a person be?

One of the ironies is that my mother was constantly falling. About six months before she died she suffered a non-displaced hip fracture. Nothing was done for it, but she did spend an awful stint in rehab. My daughter got married in November 2017, and there was some question as to whether my mother would make it. It would have devastated her not to be there. She got discharged about 2 weeks before the wedding (she probably would have left rehab early if necessary). Five years before she passed away, she fractured her pelvis when she fell out of bed in a hotel room and spent her entire planned vacation in rehab. But in spite of all that, she never had a hip replacement. However, both her kids (my brother and me) have had them as a result of freak accidents. My brother fractured his hip 8 years ago in a bicycle accident. I did not tell him about my accident for three weeks. He does not live near me, and we are not close. When I finally did tell him, he informed me that his hip replacement had failed and that he was scheduled for a hip revision surgery last Tuesday. He did not look good when I saw him at my daughter's wedding and my mother's funeral, and I think that's why.

If anyone has any words of encouragement regarding hip replacement they would be greatly appreciated.

On a more positive note, I was informed that I am now a Spark motivator, and today I was Motivator of the Day. I have to believe that I was somehow selected for this, and I thank anyone who recognized me as such. I haven't been feeling very motivational of late, and maybe this has given me incentive to do a better job.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LOPEYP
    Sorry I am just reading this now. emoticon I
    Hope that this year has been a good one. Are you working again? My company is merging with another and not sure what that’ll mean for my job. We’ll see.
    297 days ago
  • GOODGETNBETR
    Sorry to read all that has transpired but you're still here and that means anything is still possible. Hope things improve emoticon
    421 days ago
  • ZELLAZM
    I am just now seeing this, Leslie. I guess we've been out of touch for a minute! I'm so sorry about your mother, and how life has been ganging up on you since she died. It seems to happen that way sometimes, doesn't it. Good that you have all your Spark friends and teams to encourage you - and to root you on during your job hunt and the PT (I'm doing it for my knee these days, in hopes of avoiding surgery.) I'll be praying for you.
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    535 days ago
  • PAMBACH
    My goodness you certainly have gone through a lot of traumatic things lately. I have no advice on the hip replacement and can only say I hope it goes well. Beneath all the things you are going through I am sensing a current of a very positive person and I have faith it will carry you through. Chin up Friend. I am very sorry you lost your mother and were unable to say goodbye. Spark hugs being sent. emoticon
    548 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    emoticon emoticon
    563 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am so sorry. Losing your mother was a sincere tragedy. Mine died when she was 62 of cancer. A mother's loss is something that always stays with us. I am also sorry for the other events that have happened throughout the year. It has been a tough year for you. I have a shoulder replacement from a fall down a staircase. Physical therapy is so painful at first. But it leads to so much more flexibility. Take care. emoticon
    565 days ago
  • KELLY_SS
    You have been going thru a lot and I am sorry for all of them, the awful pain of losing your mom and the grief that follows. Grief sometimes has a way of staining everything that follows, if that makes any sense. At least that is how it's been for me. Then to be followed by the unexpected hip injury and long recovery, that has to be very hard, especially amidst the grieving. I am truly sorry for what you've been thru. You are a motivator and after reading this it proves it even more. You could have stopped, left SP, given up, walked away, but you didn't. You are still here and that is the trait of a real motivator! Congrats on that! emoticon
    565 days ago
  • HAPPYSOUL91
    So sorry that you have had all of these circumstances. My friend has a "new hip" and really did PT and followed what they said. Plus, lost weight which is difficult because she couldn't exercise, but used her walker and went up and down her walk with someone with her.

    Now, she is free of both walker and cane and is back to her "new normal" life. Once you are able to move freely, job hunting will be easier.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    565 days ago
  • 75HEALTHYME

    So much unhappiness... but you are still with us here at SparkPeople and you are searching for the positives.. Will pray that you soon find the "Right Job For You" ... and meanwhile that the jobs that are not the right one for you... well, that they hire someone else... for whom it is hopefully the right fit.
    And pray you heal well ... and "Happy Team Motivating" !!

    566 days ago
  • BARBARAROSE54
    So sorry to hear about your mom's passing, and the other struggles you have gone through. Wish I could say something about hip replacement, but most of my friends are having knee replacements with good outcomes.

    Take care.
    566 days ago
  • CATLOVER110
    I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, your fall, and the loss of your job. I hope things start looking up soon. Best wishes for your recovery from the hip replacement!
    566 days ago
  • DAWNWATERWOMAN
    So sorry for all the struggles. Looking forward to your return to Lovely Limes. We’ll put you on the prayer list.
    566 days ago
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