realized I have not blogged in days
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Feeling down. I did log in my food for 14 days straight. Yeah me! I feel upset over having a problem getting an appointment with my hairdresser. And not wanting to go back and possibly run into another customer who was rude to me the day I spoke about an issue at work in front of her. Maybe I should just cut my losses and find another salon.
Decide. Today after work I will go check out the salon nearer to me. It's just a haircut.
And someone got the office near my cubicle. It was pleasantly empty for a while. Another GenX-er ready to take on the world. Thank God for my sound-cancelling headphones.
Jeff could tell I was feeling upset last night and he got me to speak to him about it. The work issues of not wanting to stress myself out by taking on too much. Helping out and seeing others drop off and not do anything once I started working, which annoyed me. So it seemed. The time crunch. Not having time to clean the house or do anything for myself. Feeling close to tears. Feeling old. Missing the social component of SP but not wanting to return because I need privacy in my blog, and because I don't want to be judged and found wanting and be dropped as someone's friend. The noisy on the phone all day coworker issue that drove me nuts, and the fact that it is still eating at me.
Lying in bed last night, I realized that a lot of these personal issues have to do with boundaries, or with being denied boundaries. This is an issue from childhood. Feeling constantly picked on, punched, shoved and belittled by Bro 3. No one caring enough to protect me. Having to live in a house with a teenaged mentally ill Bro 3, constantly afraid of his potential violence. Having no right to a protected life. No safe space. No one taking in interest in Sue and concerned that she was barely functioning, she was so depressed. On her own with no parenting or protection. This is quite a connection that I haven't made before.
Boundaries. No wonder the coworker issue made me so angry.