Hypo-mania Use it or Lose it
Sunday, March 10, 2019
I find myself in a position I usually LONG for. I am in the middle of hypomania today. I have bipolar II ( –Bipolar II disorder is a bipolar spectrum disorder characterized by at least one hypomanic episode and at least one major depressive episode; with this disorder, depressive episodes are more frequent and more intense than manic episodes.) This basically means that my form of bipolar is usually in the depressive state and sometimes (although RARELY for me) I get hypomanic and feel really good, energized, outgoing, talkative, creative, etc.
I found myself in Sunday School literally having to tell myself constantly to be quiet and not speak otherwise I could have let my jubilance surprise and disturb the class. While sitting there though I couldn’t focus on the Tony Evans video for our John Study. Instead, my mind was rushing with creative ideas for my other blog. Like having a day for guest posts each week. Having a day to write out old hymn lyrics and write a devotional on them. Then I had ideas like using the lectionary (the way I put sermons together as a pastor) and write blogs with creative takes on scripture. WHIZ WHIZ WHIRL. My mind was racing fast.
I hope I do something with this energy, other than start a ton of things– put them down to start other things– and at the end of the day have several started projects in prep phase. While it may sound great to get a start on several things that I can work on later and develop– there is a problem with my hypomania. It NEVER lasts long. So by tomorrow morning when I wake up I could be flat lined or even depressed slightly. And then what would I continue? Probably not much.
The last time I vividly remember this happening my mom was alive. It was February 2012. I was 43. I had a great idea to write a letter to her for her birthday and tell her 43 things I remember from my life that she had a big influence on me. (that sentence was awkward LOL lets continue anyway). Anyway, I spent the afternoon totally chatty with my friends in different states trying to catch up. (I become very verbal on days like this. )I had every intention to start my list the next day. I set up everything for it that night. In the morning I awoke to depression. NOTHING got done fore a while.
My mom’s birthday came and went. In May of that year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. By June 7th my mom passed away.
I was living 2500 miles away from my mom at the time. So not only had I not seen my mom in a long time, but I never gave her the letter which would have touched her heart. Sure we talked on the phone daily. But that isn’t the same.
I wasted a day of creativity being distracted and putting off follow through until a little while later without the guarantee that I would still be in that high flying mood when the time arrived. Missed Opportunity.
Hopefully today will be different.
Until Next Time~