The lowest of lows.
Friday, March 08, 2019
Today was my rest day for exercise which was good because my little guy had a doctors appointment. While at the doctors she was asking me questions about things he can do but he can't or doesn't do those things yet. All I can think is it is my fault he can't. Maybe being a single mother is bad for him. Then that gets me on the thought about how i didn't want to be a single mother and I wasn't enough for his father to stay with us. I didn't feel these emotions on the surface at the time, but it's the only thing that can explain what happened later.
I went to the store to get him a new teether and something for lunch. I knew what I wanted wasn't the best choice but I picked up one of those small party pizzas for us to share. I was going to get a pint of ice cream but then decided for the same price I could get a bigger container so I did. I drove out of the parking lot thinking about how proud I was going to be able to come on here and post about how I didn't go crazy on this froyo I had 1/2 a cup like the serving says. We got home and I got the spoon...it was good, I couldn't stop. I eventually did, but went back again and again until...it was all gone. I am so disgusted with myself and I know how sick I'm gonna be tomorrow, I knew as I was eating it!
Why did I do that? Why can't I just enjoy a little bit of something I don't need to eat all of it! Tomorrow is weigh in day and all meals are planned and my water jug is full. It will be a better day and I will work on what ever today was because if I don't this weight will never come off.