Fairly certain that we (sparkers especially) have all been there - or perhaps we wouldn't BE Sparkers.
Struggling with our own particular rollercoasters and related goals. Whether we started from a fairly healthy starting point and wanted to just do BETTER, or from a point of illness/unhealth and knew our lives depended/depend on changing our familiar ways. Whether we came here as willing energetic participants in our own change, or came here as another check box in a long list of what we always felt was "the last hope".
Whether we had/have a wealth of resources and support in our offline lives to help us maintain and perpetuate our health goals and our road has been a fairly level paved pathway, or our journey has been akin to not only forging our own paths but digging out the bedrock to chisel through the mountain to even consider building the road, and all against a constant barrage of insults and disapproval from those around us, constantly telling us that we will and never could accomplish the personal goals we have made. And for those in that stripe, likely our own voices were often added to that negative speak, and personally the self-voice always seemed to be more persistent and more convincing (of course I can't do it and my goals are ridiculous if my SELF tells me so...).
But, I'm still here.
Despite all of that, despite myself, despite soooo many downs, and negative thought, and negative words from others. I am still learning. And that last sentence is SO significant.
I would have previously thought - I am failing - but, through four YEARS of allowing myself to learn and continually reminding myself that I have to grow and learn to be able to change and UNLEARN the things that have created the things I want to change.
I had to take a long time to deal with my own perspective BEFORE I could even consider being able to contend with weight and food habits that need (yes, still need) to change.
I have gotten myself into a better "head-space" and THAT HAD to happen before I was going to accomplish anything else in a healthy way.
I have learned to be okay with being human. I go over goals, I go under goals, I exercise more or less depending on what is happening in my life. I eat better or worse (going on a long stretch of "worse" these days...it's 0 with wind chill around -15 right now so I am certainly giving in to fatty/filling food cravings at this point - I have learned to be okay with that...just try not to go toooooo crazy with it, and above all else TRACK consumption honestly).
I do not cut out any food. I do not restrict any food absolutely. I eat what I want to eat - my goal is learning to eat reasonably.
I've gone from barely being able to walk/bike for more than 10 minutes to biking/walking for 80-120 minutes.
I'm growing comfortable with my ups/downs, and learning to not be devastated by the downs and to truly appreciate when I am on a streak of meeting and/or exceeding goals.
Learning to enjoy, appreciate, and learn from the journey itself.