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My journey for the last Month

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

So four weeks ago I blogged about my mom being really sick and not sure how long we would have her here with us. Well two weeks ago my mom succumbed to her kidney disease and past away February 12. It's been a very difficult time trying to overcome the loss. I struggle with eating, exercising and making proper decisions. At one point I dropped down to 260 but ended back up to 265. I was surprised with the lack of food or motivation this happened but then i was reminded that this would happen especially during stressful times. This transition has been very difficult for me. Even though I knew the time was coming upon us quickly, it still didn't make it any easier. People telling me that my mom is with me in spirit or that she is no longer in pain, doesn't make things better or reassuring or comforting. My mom isn't here. I can never hear her voice, never smell her perfume, never eat her meals, never have long discussions about our feelings, never praying and reading the bible with her again, and that is very difficult for me. My kids will have small memories with her because they are so young, even though I made sure the spent tons of time with her. I know that I have to keep her memory alive, but truthfully, that really doesn't make me feel any better. I understand the concept but it's still difficult. But because of the lessons she has taught me, it prepared me to be strong, continue with life as I know it, even without her physically here, and do what I do best, fight for what I believe in and the life I want to have. I will continue to do my best for my health and the health of my family. I will not stop no matter what difficulties are heading my way. I am determined to make the right decisions and keep my head up. It's what i have been taught to do. Pick up the pieces and move on.

But on a good note, went to the doctor last week and he was very happy with my results. Losing 7 pounds since our last visit, which he did note the additional loss and gain, and my A1C is going down. So that is going in the right direction and he mentioned with the stress numbers can take a turn for the worse, but said I am still doing the necessary things to make sure I don't go back up. So there is always a silver lining.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NANBENT1963
    Sorry to hear of the loss of your mother! emoticon emoticon
    204 days ago
    I get what you mean. I lost my father in 2015 he was 101 yrs old. Everyone told me he had a good life and bla bla bla but that didn't help me. I still miss him and his guidance but the pain is not there anymore. It gets easier with time.

    you did great not gaining more than that! you should be proud of this.

    Glad your numbers are good and the doctor is happy! it is a good thing to make your doctor happy!

    232 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/26/2019 7:55:04 PM
    So sorry for your recent loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. I lost my mother a few years ago. Certainly realize more what she did to hold our family together now than I did before. It sounds like you are taking care of what has to be done and for now that is enough. Bless you and sounds like she left you with a lot of strength.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    232 days ago
    I am so sorry. Lost both my parents in 2017 3 mths. apart and it still hurts.
    233 days ago
    So sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs and prayers.
    233 days ago
    My sympathies and prayers
    233 days ago
    Don't be so hard on yourself... you are grieving for the loss of your mother. My mother passed away a year ago and although she was 92 years old, I still miss her and not going to see her daily and when things come up , not going over and telling her about them... yes, I know she is with our Lord and in a better place but that does not reduce the longing to see her face or hear her voice. Give yourself some time. She is with you in your heart and in your memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    233 days ago
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