My journey for the last Month
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
So four weeks ago I blogged about my mom being really sick and not sure how long we would have her here with us. Well two weeks ago my mom succumbed to her kidney disease and past away February 12. It's been a very difficult time trying to overcome the loss. I struggle with eating, exercising and making proper decisions. At one point I dropped down to 260 but ended back up to 265. I was surprised with the lack of food or motivation this happened but then i was reminded that this would happen especially during stressful times. This transition has been very difficult for me. Even though I knew the time was coming upon us quickly, it still didn't make it any easier. People telling me that my mom is with me in spirit or that she is no longer in pain, doesn't make things better or reassuring or comforting. My mom isn't here. I can never hear her voice, never smell her perfume, never eat her meals, never have long discussions about our feelings, never praying and reading the bible with her again, and that is very difficult for me. My kids will have small memories with her because they are so young, even though I made sure the spent tons of time with her. I know that I have to keep her memory alive, but truthfully, that really doesn't make me feel any better. I understand the concept but it's still difficult. But because of the lessons she has taught me, it prepared me to be strong, continue with life as I know it, even without her physically here, and do what I do best, fight for what I believe in and the life I want to have. I will continue to do my best for my health and the health of my family. I will not stop no matter what difficulties are heading my way. I am determined to make the right decisions and keep my head up. It's what i have been taught to do. Pick up the pieces and move on.
But on a good note, went to the doctor last week and he was very happy with my results. Losing 7 pounds since our last visit, which he did note the additional loss and gain, and my A1C is going down. So that is going in the right direction and he mentioned with the stress numbers can take a turn for the worse, but said I am still doing the necessary things to make sure I don't go back up. So there is always a silver lining.
Thank you for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.