Learn to let things go...
Saturday, February 16, 2019
I saw this on the community feed this morning. Talk about timing. I woke at 1am and tossed and turned until 330am. My mind was all over the place. Things most people would think is silly to dwell on. "What's the big deal?" I kept asking myself. It's not going to change my outcome, yet I couldn't let it go.
I went for a 2.75 mile walk this morning and when I got back, I just argued with everyone. Still i could not let even more things go. Why do I think I need to be heard? Do I think I need to be right? What am I truly holding on to? Why do I let little things bother me? e
I've mastered tucking my stress away only to explode verbally on people for the silliest things. I've always been the type who needs to fix the problem before bed, but what do I do when I can't? When the people who I need to resolve it with are only available through social media or are just so stubborn they refuse to?
Why does exercise not help me reduce these feelings? Am I not exercising enough? or hard enough? Or is it just because I'm coming back into that same environment when I'm done exercising? Maybe I need a punching bag. But does that mean I'm aggressive? I feel like I've always tried to make myself seem less aggressive. I think being larger my whole life has made me feel like I was tough, rugged, more like a boy. When I want to be delicate, and pretty.
How can I break this strong need to control everything? Well, a good cry while writing this seemed to help me calm down. Channeling positive thoughts and behaviors for the rest of the day.