The anniversary of the loss of my daughter is coming up in less than a month. It will be three years she has been gone. And I realized this morning that I am not acting or feeling like myself. There are several times a year that it seems to be especially hard, and this is one of those time periods.
I find I haven't been writing as much, I haven't been talking or interacting with others as much, I struggle to have a positive attitude, I don't "feel" like exercising, my attitude is less than happy and not always even really nice, I'm struggling to not feel depressed.... all kinds of things.
The reality is, I am always going to miss Sami. She was my first baby, the first being in the universe that ever made me understand what it meant to love someone unconditionally, and to feel that same kind of love in return. I'm deeply grateful for every single thing about her, for our relationship, for the blessing and gift it is and will always be to be her mom.
But see, I also know she doesn't want me to get lost in the dark places again. She would me to move forward, to love, to show that love to others, to take better care of myself, and to be there for Deni (my youngest daughter). Sami would never want me to give up. She believed in me even when I was so very lost in the darkness.
So I am going to do better. I am going to remember, but I am going to continue to do the right things. I haven't stopped all of them, but I'm slacking, and I need not to do that.
Today I honor her by walking more, exercising more, loving more, living fully and being present in each moment. I love you Sami. Thank you for being mine.