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Fantasy - it's all in my head

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Uncovering my false thinking is tough - something in me doesn't want to face reality so I'm mentally kicking and screaming whenever I start to expose a 'lie' that I've been living. I'm just getting started and I know I have a long way to go.

Making a commitment to believe that 'This year will be the best year of my life (so far)" seems so fake and foreign - my old 'let's just drift along and not to exert myself too hard" way of thinking doesn't like being shown the door.

But it's a fantasy to think that my current patterns will lead anywhere - in the last few years I've gone around and around and around the same mountain. Lose 10 pounds, gain 15. Lose 20 pounds, gain 10. Lose 5 pounds, gain 20. In the last 10 years I've easily lost 200 pounds - a little here and a little there -- and gained it all back.

I *know* that I have to change my thinking, let go of old ways -- in my head, I can acknowledge the truth of it -- but still something doesn't want to let go. It's a battle that has to be waged every day.

Like when I was reaching for the cookies late last night emoticon I caught myself after I'd already had too many -- but I did catch it. And I told myself that eating cookies is not how I will get back the old me that I have buried under 100 pounds of flab. Eventually I'll get to a point where cookies won't be in the house but I'm not there yet - I've tried the 'extremes' of getting rid of 'bad' food and it always makes me rebel. I need to find a way to stop rebelling and live peacefully with cookies. The reality is that cookies will not help me achieve want I want to achieve -- and it's not the cookies that are the problem. It's my thinking that is the problem.

The fantasy is that things will just 'magically' change 'some day' because I 'want' them to - and the reality is that it is the choices I make every day that will move me forward.

I choose me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    You will find your way...
    I surprise myself sometimes with the food items that at one time I couldn't be within walking distance without eating them... now I can be in the same room and there is no temptation... Now I just need to figure out how that happened so I can add a few more food items to that list of "able to co-exist" in the same room...

    302 days ago
  • SPICY23
    emoticon You have a handle on your particular challenges. It is true that it is easier to win the battle once at the grocery store (by not buying trigger foods) than multiple times at home (when faced with the temptation of those foods that you 'couldn't resist'). It may take all the courage you can muster to go to the grocery store and fight that battle. Pick your time and place and you will be victorious!

    Peace and Care
    302 days ago
  • no profile photo YOGINILISA
    It does help to not have trigger foods in the house. Can you move them to a harder to reach place?? Anything you can do to cause you to pause will benefit. Give yourself an advantage!
    303 days ago
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