A visit with a difficult family member

I love this family member and I yearn for a better relationship with her. She is my relative and unfortunately she can also trigger some emotional stressors. Stressors that in the past would lead me down months/weeks of depression and toward food.

You see, I’m a recovering emotional overeater. The last 3 years I have been learning to deal with the reasons why I had an unhealthy food relationship. One of those reasons were how I reacted to the criticism, judgement, and negative comments made to me by this relative. I endured it as a child and now well into my adult years. So much so that combined with my childhood life experiences made me feel like I was broken, unwanted, not worth being loved, trash to be discarded.

In the past, the cycle was always the same, this relative and I would spend time together, and afterwards I would get depressed and/or immediately turn to food to ignore the feelings. To avoid dealing with them. My emotional overeating led to me weighing over 450 lbs.

3 years ago, I made the biggest, healthiest, and best choice for me. I wanted to be healthier, to be a better person inside and out, to lose the weight, and to control my blood sugars as I was recently diagnosed with diabetes.

It’s been hard, looking deep inside me, to understand, to learn, to change. Last year, I wasn’t strong enough and last year’s visit with this relative led me down a familiar tunnel. It lasted 3 months, and while I ate healthy, I still over ate. I also didn’t exercise. All of which led to more defeat and gaining 20 lbs.

Then I realized a few things. It happened as I cried when I read a blog post of another SparkPeople member. I realized I wasn’t alone, that others like me dealt with the same issues. I realized no one can make me feel anything unless I let them. No one can take my happiness. I realized that I was on my journey for me and not for anyone else. I was on this journey to heal the broken me.

If you read my page and previous blogs, you know that I have not only reaffirmed my dedication to still lose more weight and remain in a healthy eating lifestyle but that I have lost those 20 lbs and more.

The last 2 weeks, my relative came to spend time with my family. I am stronger, I am healthier, I am a conqueror. I had my moments but I used my workouts to deal with those emotions as they came. I didn’t use food. The stress was there as my weight stayed the same the second week almost. BUT and here’s the biggest but, I was and am happier. In fact, in spite of her negativity I still had fun. I have more compassion for her which lets me deal with my emotions in a healthier way.

Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for being the needed support I have needed during my journey.