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4th Step question

Sunday, February 03, 2019

I think I need to put myself on my 4th step. After looking through several baskets of laundry for my "comfortable" underwear, and seeing all the nice ones I bought when I got married (less than 2 years ago) that I can no longer wear, I got going on my closet and found more things I can no longer wear. I am really angry with myself and feel like I'm grieving. I love clearance racks. I will spend 3 hours in Target or Kohls to find a $4 t-shirt or a $6 skirt. I have found a lot of really cute things. Shopping and the pursuit for a good deal is calming and also overwhelming for me. I like it best when I'm by myself and I can get in my zone, rack by rack, I search. It's gotten more and more difficult to look at myself in the mirror, and I've told myself no more shopping until I can fit back into my old clothes. I'm so ashamed of how far I've let myself go. There are shirts in my closet that I bought 3 months ago at 5 & Below (another favorite store) that I can no longer wear. My weight gain has been rapid. Originally 200 was my bottom, I wouldn't let myself get past there. Now I'm hovering at 208. I have a whole shelf of jeans that I haven't been able to wear in probably a year, and at least a dozen dresses (I love! dresses). I'm so frustrated. I know I have no one to blame but myself. How do you get rid of a resentment when the person you're resentful at Is you???
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry you lost your focus. Hope you can let go of your anger.
    Baby steps will get you to your goal.
    251 days ago
    I wrote a lot, I journal my eating history, my feelings, random thoughts. Months of writing to understand why I ate so much and weighed so much. Still do this daily to understand and work with my feelings and thoughts.

    I also wrote several letter to Addy (I named my addiction-- you can take this I know several people who have used the name Addy) letting her know that I was angry for her taking over my life, thanking her for helping me through difficult times, when eating was the only coping skill I had. Letting her know that we are now looking for and will be using new healthy coping methods.

    This may be crazy but its working for me. I hope you find your coping method that works for you.
    252 days ago
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