THERESAMARIEM
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Life Changes

Sunday, February 03, 2019

2019 I vowed it to be the year I take care of me. The year I stop accepting the unacceptable and make myself and my feelings a priority.

In November - I decided I was going to leave my 13-year relationship. I wasn't sure how to address it. I internalized it for at least a month. I was going to just make the move without any indication but it killed me inside. My emotions were all over the place. On December 4th, I finally told him. It was so hard to do and he broke down. He accepted responsibility for why I had come to the decision and we were going to discuss things further at a later time. That following Sunday, we sat down and he asked me to stay for a few months longer, so he could try to fix things. From that day on, I have been tracking things (his actions and words) daily to see if there is a real attempt and while there are glimpses here and there, overall, nothing has changed.

I promised that I would stay until March. Emotionally, I'm already checked out. I've been packing things here and there and I've made the decision to put in my application for a new place at the end of the month. I hope to be able to gradually move during the month of March. I don't believe that there will be any hostility or negativity. We agreed that if we tried that we can end on a good note and that there wouldn't be any hard feelings. I hope this will be true.

I tried to address things last weekend (just letting him know that I have not seen changes) and what I got was excuses. I don't know why I'm blogging this. I guess I feel like I need to release my feelings. I have a few friends that I talk to but sometimes I feel like I burden them with this. At the end of the day, I just want to be happy. I'm so sad and unhappy in this relationship. I have this anxiety all the time and I just need to release it, and I wholeheartedly believe that will happen when I can finally move on. I know it will be hard but it will be worthwhile.

I'm really ready for this month to be over so I can just move on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KITTY_M
    I'm sorry that things are hard right now but at the end of the day you're making the decision that you feel is best for you. What's more, you're doing it because you know it's the right thing to do even though it's hard. Most people are not that brave. I'm know I'm not.

    There's nothing wrong with venting your feelings whenever you need to.

    emoticon
    270 days ago
  • SUSANM18
    You are going through a tough patch and I'm glad you felt you could open up in your blog. You have to be able to spill some of what you feel, otherwise you'd just explode. Wishing you the best as you find your new path.
    286 days ago
  • MNABOY
    You know what is best for you and your daughter. You need to take care of you and yours and let him take care of himself.
    287 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    Oh Theresa you have been so kind to him but your responsibility is to you and your daughter. Do what makes you happy.You can't continue to worry about him.We are all pulling for you and sometimes writing about it is a good way to clarify things in your mind.You also have the perspective of a lot of different people here , yes we are all your friends but we come from different places and are different ages so when we are all of the same mind that you need to move on it kind of confirms you are making the best decision !
    287 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    Hon, wish you the Best possible outcome.
    287 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    Indeed a difficult situation..but you must do what is best for you.
    I admire and agree with trying to work things out..but sometimes..broken is just broken and cannot be fixed.

    emoticon
    287 days ago
  • URBANREDNEK
    Some things to consider - especially if you are married or common-law, and if he is the father of your child:

    - Consult a lawyer. While it does have costs with it, this is the only way that you can protect yourself in case your current "agreement" goes south. There are usually a number of things that folks don't think about at the time that will need to be addressed, and a qualified lawyer is in the best position to give you advice.

    - Consider therapy, for both yourself and your child - with group sessions with all of you if possible. Heading in to counseling sessions now - before the "end date" - will help all of you to process the changes and be able to deal with them with the least amount of damage.
    A counselor / therapist is also the ideal person to vent to and bounce things off of, since they don't have the same personal emotional stake as your friends do. An impersonal third party can help you to find a balanced perspective that will help create a more positive future relationship.

    These are both positive actions that you can start with now, without breaking / changing your current agreement, that will be the start of making yourself and your happiness a priority. All of the best to you as you start taking the steps in to your future!
    288 days ago
  • THERESAMARIEM
    Thank you for the responses. I know everyone says now but I did say I would make an effort to stay until March. Seeing that I'm ready to go now, waiting will only allow me to continue increasing my funds in order to go, so that I am not in an empty space when I do. It will also allow me to do things gradually. I just wish it never came to this. I hope he can get help and will continue to encourage it but I can no longer feel like I can do anything about this or control how happy or unhappy he is. I can't allow someone else's unhappiness to bring me down. I also feel bad because he is not in the best positions but its the same position he's been in for at least a year and has still not done anything about it. I sometimes wish my heart wasn't so big and that I could just turn it off and have no emotions.
    288 days ago
  • HAPPYDAZ1
    No shame in trying to make things work. BUT in the end your happiness is all the matters. If it doesn't mater to you, it won't matter to anyone else. You need to make you the number 1 priority. I believe if you don't have the positive energy you need, there won't be a whole lot of positive things happening for you. Why wait for the inevitable; make it happen now and be happy. Be Happy and have no regrets in obtaining your happiness.

    Best of luck and best wishes!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    288 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/3/2019 3:04:10 PM
  • ALLYLIZZY
    You should do what you feel is best for you, and always put yourself and your needs first. This is a new beginning for you, and a new chapter for you. It’s an opportunity to just focus on you. Your whole world opens up now. Don’t wait for a new month to start over, you can make a fresh start right now. Best wishes! 💫✨
    288 days ago
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