It's not easy but it's worth it
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
I wake up, I struggle getting out of bed. How I long for sleep. There are days that I have absolutely no motivation, to work, to clean, to take care of myself or even my kids. Some days I just want to lock my door and not come out. Throw in the towel and just give up. But why? I have a wonderful husband, 4 beautiful children, and loving parents, so why would I feel this way? Depression, Anxiety, stress, watching loved ones lives slowly give way, losing loved ones, you name it, can seriously take a toll on a person, their weight, and their well being. Darkness all around. These last couple of years have been extreme for me. In 2 years I have lost relationships with family members over petty things and have been to 9 funerals, 4 in the last few weeks and know there are more in the horizon to come, these are my parents. Mom is not doing well it's just a matter of time, and I dread my dad will be sure to follow, for she is his everything. He lives and breathes for her. Knowing all this heartache is sure to bring anyone down.
The old me would stop caring, BUT today I won't give up, no matter how much my life is upside down at this moment, in the end, I know everything will be ok. I fight every day for me and my husband and children to keep motivation, even when people have negative comments that they make to me, I look the other way and know that each step I take, I get closer to my goal.
The power of prayer and strength I receive from the Lord, I am so thankful for. I have lost more weight in these past 3 months then I have in 3 years. My motivation to keep healthy and strive to do the best I can is always a sure way for me to know that I am doing everything I can to not give in. No matter how much negative has been thrown my way, I still keep going, through the Grace of God, I still get out of bed, do all that I need to do, it isn't easy some days, but in the end it will be so worth it.
The longevity of my life is more important now then it has ever been. To be able to live the life my parents got to have, in watching their children grow and have families of their own, is the best goal in life to have for me.
I feel that because I have been staying motivated in my health that I have been able to keep depression and anxiety at bay. Stress is a bit difficult, but I am able to refocus the stress and make it more positive then negative, by looking at the good things in life, what I have to look forward to in the future with my family. Spend every moment I can with my loved ones and not dwell on the inevitable. Live each moment as if it were my last, so that when it's my time, my family will know that they were important to me, that I never gave up, which will in turn keep them strong and have the will to do what ever they want in life, the good will always out shine the bad.
Even with all the sadness around, I have never been so happy. I feel full of life. I know my parents time will come to an end, no matter how much I dread them leaving me, I know they will be in a better place without pain. For that I am thankful. Because they still strive to show us all strength, love and that they care for each one of us. Gives me hope.
So those out there that are struggling with life's negatives, there is always hope, hope that you can get through anything, even when you think there is no way out. I am no where near where I want to be, but I still continue. Don't give up and don't give in. Stay strong, have faith and keep waking up and fight for your life. Make the best of it.
Thank you for reading my blog and have a wonderful day.