Pregnancy + Divorce + Stress = Mentally exhausted

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

The moment is almost here!! I'm currently 36.5 weeks pregnant, Marin is pretty much due anytime now. Her suggested due date is Feb 17th, but my doctor says to really expect her at any time since my body is already showing signs of "tiring out" as I call it lol. There were only 3 months between my pregnancies, and that doesn't really leave adequate time to heal properly. I definitely feel that way anyways. I go tomorrow to schedule the c-section, unless she decides to come before that date. Since Connor got stuck when I tried to deliver him naturally, and had to do emergency surgery to get him out, I just opted for a c-section this time around to be on the safe side.
I am nervous however, now that my husband and I are separated (since July when he moved in with his girlfriend) on how the hospital stay is going to go. I know my baby is in good hands with the doctors and nurse team - I'm worried about the after part. He knows its still hard for me to except the fact that he left, but he's shown numerous times he doesn't care about it -- Mentions her every phone call, brings her to all the visitation pick up/drop offs, even bringing her to my work and home when I've asked him countless times not to on at least that one.. So I'm afraid he's going to bring her to the hospital. But I'm also afraid that if it comes down to it, and he sees for real that I will not let her up there that he will just turn around and go home and not see his daughters birth. I've got 2 weeks to try to get this straightened out.. or at least partly... cause when it comes down to the day I guess he's still gonna do whatever it is he wants to do. He's always been that way, his way or the highway.

I'm also stressing over the breastfeeding, I barely produced enough for Connor when we were together (only produced for a month and a half), now I'm going to have to somehow try to pump enough for regular feedings plus extra because of sending her with him for visitation away from me for a whole day. Can you imagine the nipple confusion issue alone with that! TMI I know I'm sorry. But this sH!t is hard to workout in my head, and my hormones are NOT helping lol.
I just pray that the good Lord will provide both my babies with everything they need to be happy and healthy through this whole new stage and drama in their lives. Divorce is hard, and can be really difficult on babies. Sleep/nap schedules getting thrown off from visitations, diets getting thrown off, and even attention/learning times getting thrown off. I also pray that I can give them as much security, love, and time as I possibly can to insure that they grow up to be respectful, successful and happy adults.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I raised two girls by myself and I know it sounds scary. But staying busy with them kept me going. Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to accept offers of help. It really does take a village and the village is there.
    762 days ago
    DLDMIL - I completely agree with you on the "putting down the ex in front of the kids". Anytime a family member would have a smart remark, I've always stopped them and told them "drop it or we can talk about it later but not in front of Connor." I've been trying to get with my lawyer on the breastfeeding thing but she didn't want to put it in our divorce papers because she was concerned that whatever judge it fell on would be one of those "well the baby isn't physically here yet so it doesn't count yet". I'm still waiting on my appointment to visit with my lawyer to ask her if there's anything else legally I can do if he doesn't agree to it. I'm suppose to see him this weekend when he comes to get Connor so I'm hoping I'll have time to talk to him about it then. Because if I can get him to agree to letting me keep her with me for at least the first month to get a good amount of milk in, that's only going to interrupt 2 of his visits, and I'm willing to let him hangout at my house with her so that he can still feel like he got in a good visit with her -- but there again comes the issue with the girlfriend cause she doesn't let him come do anything for Connor without her being present and I do NOT want her in my house. That's why I'm unsure he'll go for that.

    LEATON1900 - He is a truck driver and is out on the road a lot, that's why we agreed I'd have primary care; so when we set up the divorce I made sure to put that he is a secondary care giver because I don't want him to lose any of his rights as a dad. He may have hurt me, but kids still need their dad. Visitations are technically set up for every other weekend (per what he wanted) as far as paper goes, but sometimes his job has him working through his weekend so I let him come get them during the week when he's off next. I know he can't control his work schedule to much so I'm working with him as best I can.

    CAKAROO - Thank you, I needs as much love and support as possible right now. I've been an emotional wreck.
    764 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/23/2019 10:23:01 AM
    764 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12282919
    I would definetly talk to the attorney regarding visitation after you are through with breastfeeding. But, also talk to your pediatrician regarding this issue also.
    Divorce is very hard, been there done it twice. My kids were not newborns but it was still hard on them in the beginning. Both Fathers dropped their visitations after a while and that was fine with me.
    The one thing I will say, please do not put down your ex in front of the kids. It hurst them more than you will ever know. Hopefully the ex will do the same.
    Prayers for you. Stay strong.
    764 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11978623
    I don't know what visitation schedule you have worked out with the other child, but I think it would be a reasonable expectation that the newborn stays with the breastfeeding mother at least for the first 6 weeks. You may want to contact your lawyer or talk to your ex directly. Perhaps that can be worked out. Good luck.
    764 days ago
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