QUEENOTHEFOREST
80,000-99,999 SparkPoints 87,960
SparkPoints
 

A Little Whine

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

I woke up this morning close to my scream weight. I have been on a binge of night time dessert eating. I know this weight episode is just that, an episode. I know that the fundamentals of losing weight are always available to me.

So, I read my list of advantages of losing weight with more care and attention. I am always more committed in the morning. I am exactly like a drunk who wakes up in the morning swearing “I will never…” and resolve lasts until cocktail hour.

My number one advantage of losing weight is to be healthy.

Now I am a cup half full woman as opposed to a cup half empty. But today my cup feels like it holds less than it used to. At the moment, I don’t really believe in my capacity to be healthy. I am measuring myself in terms of when I was young. That is not realistic. And the “Advantage” seems fraudulent. At least this morning.

I don’t know what to think about aging. And I don’t know what it means to me personally. There is a 92-year-old man I know who goes to the YMCA every single day. He pumps iron. He is amazing. He looks and behaves like a fit 50-year-old. I like to hold people like him up as models of what can be. On my better days I have faith that many feats are possible with effort.

When I am wallowing in my morning after moods, I feel helpless and faithless. The “with effort” part of the fit 92-year-old drops off my radar. I cease to believe. There is no cause and effect. There remain only joint aches and sugar blues and frustration and worst of all, loss of faith in the dream of good health and vitality.

Today’s chapter in my rereading of the Beck Diet Solution is all about how engaging with others to get help improves weight loss success. Writing this blog today is my effort to that. I do need to wrestle with this issue of diminishing capacity. It is in my face. But I really don’t want to give in to aches and pains and frailty before I absolutely have to. If I absolutely have to. It is hard though. I have compassion for friends and acquaintances who give in, don’t exercise, don’t give it any effort. I get mad at the effort part. It is empowering to know that with effort things can be better than they are, and the cup does not have to get smaller faster.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PHOENIX1949
    Here's to continuing our journey no matter what life throws at us!

    emoticon
    271 days ago
  • KRISZTA11
    I'm sorry about the morning after physical and mental discomfort!
    emoticon
    It is great you noticed it i impermanent, and that you don't always feel this way.
    Following the healthy lifestyle leading to the Advantages is not always this hard.
    The example of your 92-year old neighbor is wonderful.
    I imagine his life is a lot easier and pleasant, than those in his age group who didn't and don't make the effort.
    emoticon

    271 days ago
  • BARBARAJ73
    Hmmm... we hit this mental realization aka diminishing capacity about the same time so a huge thank you for today's blog. I got gob smacked the other day when someone was joking about not naming names as far as who was oldest in the room when I did a mental look around and realized it was probably me! What..? emoticon No pearls of wisdom to sahre other than we just have different "cups" now and I pretty much ignore my age... I hope we never reach the day we quit trying
    272 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    Real life. I totally get it. Big hug.
    272 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

More Blogs by QUEENOTHEFOREST