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Renewed commitment to me

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

I was re-reading my old blog entries and came across this from 2012. I'm going to add my 2019 comments after each paragraph.

I've been on SP for over 2 years and while I SAY I want to get fit and healthy (and lose weight in the process), I've done very little to make it happen. So far I've lost 30 pounds and most of that in the first few months. [2019: I'm not much farther ahead in losing weight (another 25 pounds or so) because I've slipped back into the old habits - playing lip service to the idea of losing weight and getting healthy.]

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and have realized that it's my mental attitude that is holding me back. Because I've been overweight my whole life (since I was 2, so I've been told, and I'm 55 now), I have the attitude that "I can't lose weight", that "I'll always be fat", that "nothing works". Well, OF COURSE if I go into it with that attitude, that's exactly what will happen. [2019: I'm sad that I have fallen back into the old attitude. After a lifetime of constantly being "on a diet", I probably shouldn't have expected an overnight turnaround.]

So now, I'm working on changing my attitude to one of "I can be fit", "I'll get to my goal of being fit and healthy" and "I'll make it work". I am working on changing my thinking, too. Instead of focusing on what I CAN'T have (like chocolate, which is a HUGE trigger for me), I'm going to focus on what I CAN have (like the bowl of pineapple and melon I just finished). Instead of thinking "I have to work out", I'm going to focus on "I get to work out and get stronger". [2019: Exercise is still my worst enemy BUT I'm not going to yoga and aqua-fit regularly and I'm seeing results. i have a lot more stamina most days and my arthritis is nowhere near as painful.]

My suggestion to anyone struggling with keeping focused on the goal is this:
take a look at your inner dialogue. Are you subconsciously sabotaging yourself before you even get started? You need to find what motivates YOU. If losing weight isn't it (and it may not be), then find what is. Don't think about what you think it SHOULD be, what because someone said that it must be that. Just because for someone else it's X, that doesn't mean that for you it's X. [2019: I need to re-examine my inner dialogue regularly and not expect that one AHA moment will change a lifetime of ingrained thinking. Instead of thinking that "nothing will work for me", I needed to keep searching for the eating program that does work for me and my lifestyle. I think that the 8-hour diet (intermittent fasting) is the solution. So far it definitely looks promising.]

When I first joined SP, I made my vision board and a lot of that is still true. So why am I still struggling? Because I've had the mindset of a "fat person wanting to be fit and healthy" rather than "a fit and healthy person" For example, I'll obsess on the fact that chocolate is a trigger for me and that I need to stay away from it rather than obsessing about which new fruit or vegetable am I going to try next. I think "I have to go to the gym" instead of thanking God that 1) I am still alive after having breast cancer for the second time and 2) I can afford the gym membership (which was not always true) and 3) my son is going with me so it's something we can do together which is bringing us closer. I'm trying to think as a thin person thinks, which is not easy since I've never been a thin person. [2019: i am now on 2 appetite suppressants (Ozempic and Contrave (Saxenda stopped working for me after a while) and my cravings are definitely lessened, yes, even for chocolate. They won't ever be the final and only solution for me but they help.]

I'm going to stay focused on my WHYs and remember that if I keep focusing on the negative, I'm going to get the negative. [2019: This is true about ALL aspects of our lives. I live that in every other aspect of my life. Why haven't I lived it on my health? Go figure.]

So that's my new mental attitude. What's yours? [2019: renewing my focus and my commitment to a new mental attitude.]
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon You've acknowledge what you need to do to be comfortable with reaching your goals. The mental process of staying motivated gets hard I know. I have learned being on SP not to focus on what the scale says but to work at being HEALTHY. I may not weigh a certain weight but my body has energy, the strength to do workouts, and I make choices each day for better foods. You have got this in 2019, I just know it. You have survived breast cancer 2 times. emoticon Make the most of each day and be grateful for what your body is doing and you can push it a little more with a workout and NOT be fatigued from cancer. Find the things that make you happy with people who want to share in an activity with you to keep healthy and create a great memory.

    I have recently been diagnosis with CLL/SLL in the earliest stage. I lost my childhood best friend for over 30 years to stage 4 breast cancer, my grandmother to lung cancer, and my dad 2 years ago to mesothelioma. As hard as all that was I tried to embrace good days with them, help them fight and advocate for them and when needed became a sole hospice caregiver. I know one thing I believe in YOU and that you have the strength and endurance to make the lifestyle changes needed to be a HEALTHY SURVIVOR. Get out there and shine.

    169 days ago
    180 days ago
    You said you lost 30 and another 25 but you must have lost some before the 2012 as your weight tracker shows a loss of 126 #. So you have done something that few of us do and that is keep the weight off that you lost. I am very proud of you for having a weight tracker as so many don't want to show that. You also talked about yoga and aqua-fit which helps your pain. Hopefully you can continue those if they help or find some exercises that you like. I love the aqua-fit classes and I go one day and just walk in the pool for an hour by myself. I found that unless I like the exercise I have trouble being consistent. So you are not where you want to be but thankfully you're not where you started. Loving ourselves is one of the things that can help us achieve our goals and it is also very hard for many. I think you are doing much better than you give yourself credit for but also understand that you want so much more. Baby steps are hard but they do work. Keep up your quest to find the plan that works best for you.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    181 days ago
    This is great! I have been around here even longer than you - and I think we should give ourselves pats on the back for not giving up.

    Well thought through. Well written, inspiration, thanks.
    181 days ago
    You are doing good. Acknowledging your problems is half the battle.
    181 days ago
    I know this mental.process is very hard, but if you don't change it, the process won't work for us. So staying strong and positive is a must.
    181 days ago
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