Analyzing a Relapse and Other Brain-Associated Stuff
Sunday, January 13, 2019
My best friend is also a compulsive overeater/food addict and she and I have joined forces to really try to figure out what the heck this disorder is all about. She was recently listening to a podcast that talked about our disorder being the same as an illness like diabetes. She said that asking someone like us to just STOP eating when we get a compulsion is like asking someone with diabetes to "just make more insulin, you stupid body!" Interesting - and it really does make sense. Because if will power was what it took to lose weight and stop eating, I would have been skinny years ago. I have come to believe that it is, in fact, a disorder rooted in some kind of brain chemistry. She said that brain studies have been done to show that when a food addict eats a twinkie (for example) that parts of the brain literally "light up" in much the same way as a heroin addict has when they get a hit. Holy cow.
Of course, the fighter in me doesn't like that - because I can see where many people would say, "Oh well - guess I just need to accept that I will always be like this." HELL NO. What it means is that I have to change the way I eat. CHANGE THE WAY I EAT PROBABLY FOREVER. Case in point - I have been "abstinent" from carbs (bad ones, anyway) for a couple of weeks. Yesterday, I ate fried shrimp and three hush puppies. I didn't overeat, but I did know that I really shouldn't have eaten all that fried breading and those hush puppies. About an hour after? MAJOR SUGAR CRASH. My body was a total mess the rest of the eating. I couldn't sleep. So I got up (danger zone) and ended up eating a peanut butter/butter and banana sandwich in a very COMPULSIVE manner. I felt sick and I did not enjoy it. The whole time, my sane self was saying, "Don't do it!"
Today? I feel like crap still. Sluggish, tired, no energy and borderline depressed. The rain outside isn't helping at all. BUT - I know why and I know how to come out of it on top. Today, I'm focusing on protein, eating only when hungry, and I will be active. I'm leaving to go out of town tomorrow for work and I will be in a hotel room (former danger zone - YES FORMER). I will assure my success by continuing to be on Spark daily, do my Spark points (I'm telling you - going down that list is an AWESOME way to continue to recover), plan my daily exercise and take exercise clothes, go to or watch OA meetings, and continue to check in with my friend daily. I'm also going to start tracking my "sober" days on here. Today I'll begin again.
DAY 1 OF BEING SOBER.
I GOT THIS.