Saturday, January 12, 2019
So its been months since I've been on. After my last blog in May, I had a lot of things happen in my life. My mother who is a recovering drug addict moved back to Washington and because she had no where to go, guess where she ended up? Yep here!
I was so stressed while she was here. We don't have the greatest relationship and I didn't know how this was going to pan out. My brothers wedding was in July and she made a big stink because he didn't want her there, for good reason. She forced her way into the wedding anyway. I was constantly waiting for the explosion about my childhood and how she made every day a living hell. Towards the end she started to get a little too comfortable and realized she could manipulate me as long as my husband wasn't in the room. After 3 grueling months my landlady decided my mom was not allowed to stay with us and kicked her out. I was a little upset because I didn't want her on the streets again, but at the same time I was so relieved. Unfortunately she forced her way into my sisters one bedroom apartment. As much as we don't want our mom back on the street we don't want her living with us. Living with our mom is like living with a ticking time bomb, you never know what is going to set her off. It could be as simple as she can't find a lighter to light her cigarette. Crying, sobbing, accusing, insulting and then finally war. It is a constant battle. That was just from May to August. While she stayed here she was supposed to get her financial situation straightened out. She has medical issues that make it hard for her to work a normal job, so we were waiting for her disability to be approved. Never happened! She lived here rent free, while we struggled to keep food in the house and fell back a month on our rent and bills. This also had a lot to do with what was going on with my husbands job also.
My husband was losing hours at work and then ended up working so many hours illegally that he almost got fired. Once my mom was gone things were a little more laid back here the weight had been lifted on the house but we were trying to catch up. My husband was having so much trouble keeping up at work and ended up getting fed up with their assbackwards policies that he applied somewhere else. Good thing too because he was fired for something beyond his control a week later. He already had the other job we were just waiting for information on training as it takes place in another state. His last paycheck was so small we could only pay our water and internet. Those were the two getting shut off. That was October. Finally he got shipped off to the training facility and on November 4th we got his first paycheck which was exponentially bigger than any that he had received from his last job. It was so nice. We were able to get back on track with all of our bills and hosted Thanksgiving because we were doing so well. Christmas was the best we've ever been able to afford. All the bills got paid and we had a lot left over to spoil our children. We rang in the new year in bed watching TV as hubby had to work the next day. But its all worth it.
Here we are in 2019 and I am not saying I am making any new years resolutions, but I am trying to get serious about my weight and health in general. The last few months I've been buried in research about my thyroid. I have a ton more questions for my doctor and a possibility that I will be changing doctors if he doesn't want to work with me. I am tired of feeling tired and I'm tired of having a lack in motivation. This last week I got sick with food poisoning and have let the house go. I am on a strict diet of crackers and broth and Gatorade. I know it isn't the healthiest drink but I'm also splitting it with water. I felt better today and did a little cleaning but there is still a lot more to go. I also made the mistake of trying to eat regular food and made Swedish Meatballs for dinner. Not a good idea.
My mom moved to another city 6 hours away and has her own place so I am no longer worried she is going to show up on my door step but I am worried she is going to fall back into drugs. She says she is going to meetings and working on her health, but she says that all the time. So who knows. I wish her well.
All in all the last 8 months have been an experience I don't wish to ever relive, aside from the last 3 months. Those have been great. I am feeling a little better, but not in the sense that I would like to be. I want to feel like I used to I want to have my bubbly upbeat personality back. Insomnia is my biggest problem right now. I can lay in bed with the lights off my phone off and my eyes closed and my mind is racing. Last week I didn't sleep for a full 24 hours. It was hell. Especially having to run after my two toddlers. They are becoming more and more of a hand full every day. But I love them and wouldn't change their little personalities at all.
So that is my 2019 rant fest. Hopefully things look up even brighter in the coming months. Thanks for reading through my crazy life.