Motivation from pain
Friday, December 07, 2018
I was in the middle of doing dishes and someone from my past popped up in my head. I started to think about our friendship, how it slowly fell apart, and then how she made me out to be the villain. The thought of her makes my blood boil. She was the one that was pretty much left but then would cause fights and make me out to be the bad guy. She moved about 4 hours away and we started to go our separate ways but instead of talking it out like adults she had to create issues so we would fight. She loves drama.
I dont want to go into "our story" (its so long) but in high school she was a stick and always talked about being fat and needing to go to the gym. I was fat at the time and it never hit her what she was saying in front of me. I finally spoke up and told her to say tone up because that is what she meant and it hurt me when she would call herself fat. She let it slip once after that, saw the pissed off look on my face, rolled her eyes and said sorry I mean tone up.
Currently she is overweight and part of me is thinking KARMA with a grin on my face. I know it makes me sound like a bad person but she really hurt me. Im a scorpio so once I get hurt by someone I thought was my best friend I dont forget.
I know this anger isnt healthy for me so Im going to turn it around and make it motivation. I want to get healthy and show her that I can do. I want her to look at me and feel a little jealous. I need to work with my mental health too. Its very stressful to take care of someone with dementia. Its keeping me from writing because I can not focus. With healthy eating and exercise I can finally start to relax and be able to focus. I havent been to the gym all year but plan to within the week once my cold is 100% gone.