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Personal choices and decisions

Monday, December 03, 2018

Except for one day when I was off to doctors appointments I have been diligently tracking all my food and exercise for the last week (I had started slacking off a bit...), and the results are already noticeable on the scale. It may only be 2 pounds, but I am going to celebrate those 2 pounds because they are heading me back to my personal maintenance weight range. I don’t think tracking is a magical solution in and of itself... I think it’s the second thought I give to what I am about to put in my mouth because I will have to enter into the nutrition tracker , or the extra 10 minutes of exercise I chose to do and enter in the exercise tracker that actually make the difference. It really is about personal choices and taking responsibility for my decisions and actions. The weird thing is that I KNOW this... this is not a new revelation for me. I learned it when I shed the weight originally, but it’s like I forget everything I learned if I don’t refresh the lesson regularly. The more time I put between me and who and what I was like when I was morbidly obese, the less dedication I have to the habits and practices that helped me lose the weight and get to a healthier lifestyle. I knew going in that this was not a short term “diet”, but a long term lifestyle adjustment. And I decided that I was going to do the activities that I enjoyed and could sustain for a lifetime, and eat foods that weren’t just “good for me”, but that were foods I liked. I wasn’t out to punish myself for getting to the point of morbid obesity, but rather loving myself enough to give myself the gift of a healthier life... and that included enjoying that new healthier life. But there is enjoying the food and exercise... and then there’s making excuses to indulge in junk, and to skip a workout because it wouldn’t be “fun”... I have to admit I have done a bit of sliding down the slippery slope of making excuses. Not so much with exercise (because physical exertion helps keep me sane), but mostly with my food choices... though I did not join the gym this winter like I usually do, partially due to my messed up shoulder, partially due to financial constraints (a decision I am now regretting, and reconsidering). But those food choices! Yup. I know what food plan works best for me, a modified Atkins/Whole 30/generally lower carb plan, that focuses more on fresh veggies, and lean meat (skip most bread, pasta, rice), and my blood sugar stays pretty stable if I eat that way, but... I have been indulging. I justify, rationalize, make up excuses... when reality is that I am basically lying to myself. I know what I can eat that I enjoy AND makes me feel physically good after I eat, so why aren’t I doing that? Part of it’s emotional. I know that. Part of it’s pure laziness and lack of planning. Yep, I admit it. I get lazy. And opening a can and throwing something in the microwave is simpler and faster than preparing and cooking real food. That’s a fact. So what’s the solution? I just have to decide... yes, I AM worth the time and effort it take to plan, prepare, and cook real food. Yes, I AM worth the time, effort, and dedication of regular, intense workouts. It’s a personal decision. A choice that I have to make... again... because obviously my brain is not remembering the decision that I made almost 8 years ago when I first decided enough was enough. I may only have 15 or so pounds to lose at this time, but those 15 pounds feel just as important as the 150+ I lost the first time around, in part because if I don’t nip this weight gain trend now, I foresee it continuing, and I really would not survive long if I regained ALL the weight I originally lost. I don’t mind letting a little bit of fear motivate me at the moment. It can be useful. It can help me make healthier decisions, and better choices...
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