You hit rock bottom when you stop digging!!!
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Reading through some old step work that I had done for AA and I caught this written in the side of one of the pages and how true it is! There's a part of the Big Book in "There Is a Solution" that talks about at times we are unable to bring about with sufficient force the memory of the suffering of even a week or a month ago. Every time I reach for something I know I should not be eating because it's not healthy or it's a trigger food that's where I'm at mentally and emotionally. I don't remember the suffering. I have forgotten about the pain and I have started to dig again. This is a choice and today I choose not to keep digging. Tomorrow I don't know but for right now I am doing what I need to do. This morning was a little rocky emotionally. I went to put on my winter boots that I wore just a year ago and my calves are too thick to zip them up. Ouch!!! These are the things I'm not thinking about though when I want to eat half a dozen donuts in one sitting or raid through my husband's and stepson's candy that my husband has to hide from me but that I always manage to find. I'm not thinking about how none of my clothes fit anymore and how I have heartburn and I'm uncomfortable and it hurts to even reach around and wipe my backside - how embarrassing!!! I am unable to bring about with sufficient force the memory of the suffering - but not today! Today I remember and today I am not willing to make choices that are going to keep me in pain. I don't want to dig anymore!