jokes and gratitude
Sunday, November 25, 2018
Our Aspire & Inspire group asked us to write a blog post on gratitude. This month we are focusing on gratitude since Thanksgiving (here in the U.S.) is all about being thankful. List at least 5 things you are grateful for.
1. My family and friends
2. my imagination
3. my Catholic faith and my church
4. my speech defect could be worst
5. living in a safe neighborhood
6. my desktop computer and my laptop
7. my ability to think
8. my ability to walk
9. my job
10. A roof over my head and a warm home.
11. Plenty of drinkable water
12. I have plenty of food
13. The setbacks that have formed me and made me stronger.
14. I am alive.
Things to ponder
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
A bet made at the local bar
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided
to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher,
“When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher