Thursday, November 22, 2018
I don't know why I picked last night into today to decide to really pay attention to this eating thing, but I did. And thank God I did. Oddly, I think it's his timing.
My sister mentioned the "g" word, and I think she's right. It's hard to look at, but this is what I have to look at if I want to fix this forever. My passions are going into the wrong places, and the refrigerator is a mechanical box to preserve, not a counselor, therapist, friend, lover, or anything else even close. I know it's easy to find substitutions for these things when they are absent (something often feels better than nothing, that's for sure), but I have known for a long time that I need to get this straight so I have begun again to look at this, though I hate how it feels.
I read "The Weigh Down Workshop" into the night last night, and I can't tell you I was loving it. I think it was about 2 AM when, had I let myself speak, I would have been given an "MA" rating as I just threw a (un)righteous fit like an overgrown child. It was unreal. But then again, it is to be expected.
On the flipside, pursuing this has gotten me down another 10 pounds and closer to myself. That was faster than I thought it would be, so it was very encouraging to see. I even found the body parts it came off of via measuring. So....right on. But it hurts. There's been a lot of random pain and accompanying crying. I just hope I keep going. Just..finish it.
So be it, huh?