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Battling on...

Friday, November 16, 2018

I know that I have been posting blogs about acknowledging, controlling, and changing my emotions in more effective ways lately... but sometimes it is hard to pull myself up out of the lethargy that tends to consume me. I can intellectually understand and process the situation and realize what is happening... and even practice the skills to pry myself out of the doldrums, but there are days (or weeks) when no knowledge or recently learned skill seems capable of helping. I still do the actions that move me through my days, the habits that are just part of what I do and who I am, and I KNOW that eventually, by doing the next thing, I will rise above. In the meantime... it takes almost inhuman effort to make it through each day. I can see causative factors (winter weather, chronic pain, relationship issues), and I theoretically know how to cope or adapt, yet it seems like a pointless exercise at times. That said... I AM doing the things that have , historically, lifted me up. I walk my dog daily. I workout. I try to eat healthy and clean. I dyed my hair deep purple (which normally makes me smile for days). I visit with friends. I talk to my dad. I write letters (yes, actual letters that I mail out). I read voraciously. The only thing I have not been doing as regularly is writing in my journal. And yet still... I am struggling. I am struggling, but I am not hopeless in my struggle. I have this underlying (possibly naive) understanding that things will shift and change, and if I keep doing positive actions, that emotional/mental shift will be positive. I keep building small successes... some having to do with diet and exercise, some with interpersonal relationships, some with personal expectations and behaviors... and with each success I am building a foundation. Even if I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING, I am still putting one foot in front of the other. In my book that right there is a win. It might be a small one, but I will definitely take it!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Keep chipping away as you have been. You have the tools & are using them. I admire you honesty and efforts. emoticon
    27 days ago
    Sometimes just the effort to put one foot in front of the other and keep going is Herculean.You are impressive my friend.You battle far more than many people do on a daily basis and your power to overcome is astounding. You are an inspiration and You are continually progressing ! emoticon
    30 days ago
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    30 days ago
    I've returned to work, but only at max 15 hrs a week. I'm helping the elderly. A real pick me up!! Doing even a few hrs of volunteer work a week(check by doing a search for your area on volunteer positions. It's amazing how long the list is and on a huge variety of interests) and if your on SSDI no loss in any benefits!!

    Keep on trying, ,,it'll kick in eventually. Love all the things your doing so well.
    30 days ago
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    30 days ago
    Sending all my empathy for this low mood. I am struggling so much, too. Your letters are such a blessing, friend. All my compassion to you through this rough part.
    30 days ago
    Small successes...one foot in front of the other....way to go.... emoticon
    30 days ago
    Good job! You are still putting one foot in front of the other, and that's moving forward!
    30 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    You are very wise, by realizing that you must move forward, so that you don't slip backwards. Realizing this factors in your life, is a way to heal that part of your life.

    I find when I have the doldrums that trying something totally out of the blue, like a new project takes me to a better place than I was before. When I challenge myself to something totally new, like for an example, I am studying to speak Spanish, which will be something that I feel I can use at times. This has been quite a step out of the box for me. Also I've started to volunteer, and just getting out of the house to help others also has been a way to interact with other people. These things have changed things around for me which is a good thing.

    Hoping you find that thing that will put a new "spark" in your step.
    30 days ago
  • EISSA7
    Love your blog...you are right on target...keep doing ALL of those things that you know you must...as they say, “fake it ‘til you make it.” You will once again rise above this current struggle... emoticon
    30 days ago
    You should be proud of what you do on a daily basis. I understand some of your days are very heavy, but you keep on going and not many people can say or do it. You do have a productive life and you do stay out of a dark tunnel. emoticon emoticon
    30 days ago
    all good things I'm sure. I also found that when I am really struggling to either talk it out or write it down. sometimes doing either just seems like I'm "getting" getting rid of whatever is causing me stress.
    30 days ago
  • MBPP50
    I understand your struggles and I’m proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. emoticon
    30 days ago
    Definitely a win! Have a great day!
    30 days ago
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