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Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

I have had a rotten life I grew up with parents who really didn't seem to care about me. I was over at my friend's house next door most of the time and at my wedding her father told my husband to take care of his 3rd little girl I never knew until then that he felt that way about me. That actually was not bad I suppose. I had many tragic deaths in the family starting with my 17 1/2 month son from a coffee burn, my 17 month old nephew that I adored died overnight chocking to death on those little bouncy balls, I battled cancer and won the battle, then a few years later my SIL and 6 year old nephew were murdered in their home my 16 month old niece was unharmed an had free run over the house my husband and I took her in I lost her to social services 6 years later after my husband's death 2 years prior. My MIL died and was found about 3 weeks they think after suffering a massive heart attack. I watched my grandmother die of lung cancer she never smoked she was diagnosed with it and died 3 weeks later this was a year before my husband died. My favorite Aunt died January 25th, 2017 from a 6 year long battle with breast cancer. There were more family deaths but these are the ones that touched my heart the most and shattered it in a million pieces.

After my husband died it was all it took to totally shatter me, yet I had to keep going for my kids. Social Services was brought in because the younger kids were missing a lot of days from school. My oldest son was going to school everyday. My neuropathy pain was growing worse and I was having a hard time dragging them out of bed (literally). They didn't want to go because they were being made fun of for not having a dad anymore. My daughter when she moved in with her boyfriend broke contact, I have not seen or heard from her in 5 years.

For some reason I am having dreams about all of them lately. Which is strange in itself because I rarely dream and back to times when I was a kid, I've lived on the streets. Like my life is flashing before my eyes.

I put on weight because I did not want to be whistled at anymore along with the fact I just didn't care anymore. I began my diet of many years of mountain dew and potato chips I did this for about 7 years. I suffered a full blown small stroke. over the last 11 years I suffered 6 more small full blown strokes. Now I have Type 2 Diabetes, Chronic Kidney Disease, COPD, heart problems- severely leaking Aortic Valve and Moderate leaking of the Mitral valve. All because I stopped caring about my self. It has taken the health problems to wake me up and turn my life around. I am back to eating healthy and back to exercising. I am also meditating and doing visualization exercises, spiritual growth to become an all around better person.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So glad to hear that you have turned your back on the past and are, instead, taking care of your future self.

    428 days ago
    All I can say is I am amazed at your resilience in coming back from all these tragedies. Sending HUGS your way.
    428 days ago
    My heart goes out to you in all sincerity. You have had an enormous plate full! Like someone else, I would give you a big hug if I could. you have gone through or to try to act like mine is worse, but had I not had a relationship with God-Jesus, I truly would have been lost and I am sure not have been able to recover from many of these events. ( These are only a few .....but enough) ... knowing pain, as I have and rejection, I am able to have compassion for others) ..... emoticon sincerely.
    429 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/15/2018 11:36:34 AM
    As I already told you, for me, YOU ARE AN AMAZING STRONG PERSON. A SURVIVOR! I'm so happy for your look at the immediate future and the changes it takes. It's your time now. YOURS ONLY for you to care for you and only you. The others have had their times. (Well, you and your fur babies).

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    429 days ago

    I cannot FATHOM how one person can survive all of this misery. Yet you have. That shows me how strong you are. We need strong people like you in this world, who show us all that has transpired yet say, "still I rise".

    You are here with purpose. And I think that sometimes we remember things we wish we had long ago forgotten so that we can remember how far we have come, and how much love we still have the capacity for.
    429 days ago
    You and your family have been through so much emoticon
    Continue loving yourself deserve to feel happy and healthy everyday. emoticon

    429 days ago
    With all the tragedies you have experienced, it is wonderful to hear that you are digging down to be healthy. Thank you for the encouragement!
    429 days ago
  • MST_617
    The part that spoke to me the most was that you are turning your life around. There were so many things mentioned that would have caused many to give up but you are still here working on better! Your story is inspiring, keep sharing!
    429 days ago
    I'd hug you if I could. All I can think of is the art of Japanese gold repair. Check this out.
    ntsukuroi/ Hang in there and love yourself. You are priceless. ❤️❤️
    429 days ago
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