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Beck Diet Solution, Day 34

Sunday, November 04, 2018

Solve Problems

Today's lesson is a repeat of the 7 Question Technique. This lesson and yesterdays are repeats of things we have learned in the past. This is telling me that I need to pay special attention to these techniques because they will prove to be very useful to me is helping me with issues I have to deal with on occasion.

In order to solve a problem, you have to first identify it for what it is. Second, you need to recognize the negative thoughts that go along with that problem and to help you do so, use the 7 Question technique:

1. What kind of thinking error am I making? (See Day 26 for review)
2. What evidence is there that this thought may not be true or not completely true?
3. Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this?
4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?
5. What is the effect of my believing this negative thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?
6. What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had the same kind of thought?
7. What should I do now?

#7 is going to be instrumental in helping you solve the problem. It involves you doing something about what is going on. Most importantly, it involves your reaction to the situation, not necessarily about you changing the situation. Remember: you cannot solve every problem.

For me to do this exercise with my situation with my son-in-law, which is truly defined as dysfunctional, it has been a very strained relationship.
1. Mind Reading - I am convinced he is thinking a certain way.
2. Sometimes his actions contradict what I am thinking (however, more times than not his actions support my thinking - he's just an a****le)
3. Yes, the guy is totally messed up in the head and has a lot of his own demons to deal with on a daily basis.
4. We keep our distance from each other (now that he has moved this is realistic)
5. My negative thinking makes me so angry that I lash out at others who have nothing to do with the situation. If I change the way I think about him, instead of being angry with him, I can almost feel sorry for the guy. My being angry does nothing to change the situation, only adds to the intensity of emotions. Letting go will give me peace of mind
6. Separate - no need to continue the aggravation
7. Instead of being angry with him, I need to pray for him that he can find peace with himself (and God). I need to learn to 'give thanks in everything" and be grateful that I have an opportunity to walk in grace.

There is a quote that I found that says, "I an learning to enjoy the sound of my feet walking away from things that are not meant to be." It just so happened that the more we helped the guy, the more angry he got with us, especially when we said we cannot help him any more because it was causing us too much financial difficulty - Talk about the entitlement generation, that is when he turned on my husband and I. I have concluded that he is not worth my time and energy -- it is hard to let go of the negative emotions, but realistically hanging on to them will do more harm than good.

Well, this blog was therapeutic for me...
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